Are your friends colorist? Or is colorism affecting your friendship? As people are learning more about colorism and doing more self-reflection and personal growth, we are able to see our relationships with greater perspective and clarity over time. I continue to have followers and clients talk about the difficulty of navigating colorism within their friendships. In this post I share 10 warning signs or red flags that your friends might be colorist. Next week, I will return with 10 tips on how to handle it!
Watch, Listen, or Read More Below
10 Red Flags of Colorist Friends (Colorism in Friendships)
Before I dive into these, it’s worth noting that even a dark-skinned friend can be colorist. I did a live earlier this year on internalized colorism in dark-skinned people that I highly recommend.
1. Explicitly express color-based dating preferences.
2. Wish to have light-skinned children.
3. Make jokes about skin color.
4. Generally hyper-focus on skin color and racialized features.
5. Constantly and almost exclusively praise and affirm light skin or eurocentric features, or people who have such features.
If you’re looking for a speaker or facilitator for your next colorism event, learn about Dr. Sarah Webb’s colorism keynotes and workshops.
6. Quickly and easily stereotype or assume negative about dark-skinned people.
7. Suggest that you or others would be so pretty if…
8. Are paranoid about getting darker.
9. Remain oblivious to, or gladly accept preferential treatment.
10. Are cool with dark-skinned people being flunkies.
BONUS: Dismiss or derail discussions about colorism.
Before I get into the tips next week, I want to share some great comments my followers left on my post previewing this live topic.
“I think many colorist friends are in denial. They pretend they are not colorist but then proceed to do colorist things. Like only date or marry light skinned women, etc. When you confront them, they get mad.”
@revise_rewrite
“I HAD a friend that would only date light skinned men because she wanted to have a baby with light skin and “good hair”. The breaking point in our friendship was when I had my baby. My baby was born with breathing issues and had to kept in the NICU for a week. She came to visit me and my baby and the first thing that came out of her mouth was, “How was your baby born with light skin and straight hair? You and the daddy are dark skinned?!” I couldn’t believe that my baby’s health is in jeopardy but you’re more focused on what she looks like?! I was so repulsed by that and I ended the friendship right there smh. and to add, when she did have her babies by light skinned men they all ended up coming out just like her dark skinned. She was actually disappointed and resented her children. Sad that she can’t see the beauty in them because of their skin tone.”
@tina_c1984