Public Speaker. Life Coach. Founder of Colorism Healing.
Author: Colorism Healing
Colorism Healing is designed to provide a nexus of information, resources, discussion, and empowerment for those in the global community who seek healing and solutions to colorism.
What’s your role in collective healing from colorism? What are you willing to sacrifice? How do you surround yourself with a community that refuels you for the long game?
Everyone has a role
Practically speaking, consider your job, interests, skills, location, resources, connections, and style.
And I’m encouraging you to stretch yourself. We won’t redress this issue within our comfort zones.
You don’t have to go full time like me, lol. But survey your life periodically and see where there’s potential for change.
Curate Your Community
Collective healing is not just about what you can give to the group. It’s also important to surround yourself with others who also give in reciprocal fashion. Added bonus when they not only give back but also understand and empathize.
Colorism is a social phenomenon. Individual focus on healing is 100% necessary, but since none of us got into this alone, we don’t get out alone. The good news is that individual and collective healing are reciprocal! Effort in one area benefits the other.
Global, cross-cultural, transnational. Regional and local variances are important in understanding the nuances of colorism. But so are the global patterns and connections. The color hierarchy is a global one. The system is not siloed. We can leverage solidarity.
Family can be the source of our initial wound. Colorism in families is quite painful, difficult, and complicated. It often happens when we are most vulnerable and have little choice or autonomy.
Agency increases as we mature. We can have the difficult conversations, establish healthy boundaries, apologize, and forgive. We can’t force family to cooperate in collective healing, but we still do our part.
What is your role in the collective?
Everyone has a role. Practically speaking, consider your job, interests, skills, location, resources, connections, and style. And I’m encouraging you to stretch yourself. We won’t redress this issue within our comfort zones. You don’t have to go full time like me, lol. But survey your life periodically and see where there’s potential for change.
Curate your community. Collective healing is not just about what you can give to the group. It’s also important to surround yourself with others who also give in reciprocal fashion. Added bonus when they not only give back but also understand and empathize.
“If you want to go fast, go alone. if you want to go far, go together.” -proverb
Learn more about my services as a speaker, consultant, and coach who specializes in colorism.
Watch and listen to the live conversation on collective healing from colorism:
Lavoughnda White is a mission driven individual whose purpose is to combat colorism through mobilizing, organizing and advocacy. She received a degree in Communication from Michigan State University and her MBA with a focus on Social Corporate Responsibility from Mary Baldwin University. She founded her Social Enterprise company, Nah I’m Just Pretty to help give dark skinned black women affirming apparel that amplifies their beauty and gives them a safe place to heal and connect with other women. Lavoughnda is also the Co-Founder of a performing arts based nonprofit called HYPE (Helping Young People Evolve) that focuses on social emotional development and pantomime dancing. Professionally, she’s works in economic development and has experience in education, nonprofit management, and political organizing.
This week, I discuss the massive topic of how colorism shows up in sports. The sports world is so varied and complex and nuanced with group v. individual, men v. women, judge v. no judge, winter v. summer, etc. But we definitely hit the highlights in this episode, discussing sports ranging from track and field, gymnastics, figure skating, cheerleading and dance, basketball, and swimming. Colorism in sports is definitely a thing because colorism is systemic, meaning it runs through ever facet of society. However, now many people or resources cover this topic, so there is plenty of room to do more research and have more conversations.
My viewers and I thoroughly enjoyed this conversation, which spanned topics such as colorism in fashion and media, colorism in the beauty industry and makeup brands, hair privilege, varied shades of dark skin, and how to have conversations with people who don’t believe colorism is a thing. A must watch!
Celebrity Fashion Stylist, Content Creator, and Advocate, Raven Roberts, about 8 years ago began styling in Los Angeles, California. Today Raven is based in Dallas, TX. Raven founded Own Your I Am in 2019. She aims to help women of color erase the lines of colorism and the social injustice that comes from it. By empowering women to own who they say they are and not what the world says about them!
With this being the last month of the International Colorism Healing Writing Contest, I’m sharing 8 ideas to help heal from colorism. I highly recommend using these as writing prompts, whether you merely write for yourself in a journal or whether you write pieces to share with others. Dedicating time to focus intently on these prompts will help you do the deeper inner work of personal healing around colorism.
1) If my skin could speak for itself . . .
2) Things _____ taught me about complexion . . . (or hair or features)
3) Dear _____,
Write a letter to someone from your past who played an important role in your experiences with colorism, whether an ally or an antagonist or a complicated mix of both.
4) Where is my privilege? Reflect on the ways certain aspects of your identity or background benefit you.
5) How have I been part of the problem and/or the solution?
6) Dear past self . . .
7) Dear future self . . .
8) Whether it’s sunny or rainy, go out and feel nature on your SKIN. Then write about the sensations, feelings, or thoughts you have.
Edlin Veras, M.A., is a Doctoral Candidate of Sociology at the University of South Florida. His teaching and research interests explore racialization processes among African descendant peoples in the Americas. He is a 2020 American Sociological Association Minority Fellow, and since 2019, has served as Director of Research and Communication at OwnYourIAm (OYIA), an organization that combats and spreads awareness on colorism through social media engagement and events including: articles, live streams, and interactive forums.
I was awake past 2:00am thinking about the recent acts of terrorism targeting Asian women. And I found it difficult to gather and articulate my thoughts and feelings. But here’s where I stand today.
Early in my work on Colorism Healing, I knew that my work was global, cross-cultural, and intersectional. This is the case even while also needing to center dark-skinned African American women at the heart of what I do. But centering one group is not the same as ignoring all others.
In the past, I have been tempted to remain silent in the wake of violence against Black men because I have been so deeply betrayed by many Black men, including ones closest to me. I have also felt betrayed by other Black people in the diaspora who look down upon African Americans. I have felt betrayed by light skinned Black people. I have felt betrayed by other dark-skinned women. I have felt betrayed by white people, by other women, by other people of color, including Asian women.
It’s the nuance we always talk about with colorism–privilege does not mean you completely escape oppression. It’s also the reality that privileged people of color must realize–aligning with whiteness in all the many ways that one might do so, often by way of antiblackness, perpetuates the very system that would destroy you.
And yet it feels inauthentic for me to look on in silent apathy (or resentment) while these groups are experiencing collective hurt, harm, and trauma.
I heard a saying once: Don’t treat people based on who they are, but based on who you are.
If I insisted on only standing with groups who’ve never betrayed me, I’d very much be standing isolated and alone. But, no. The harsh truth is that I would not even be able to stand (with) myself.
Colorism Healing is my commitment to help heal the world. It has always been an inclusive effort. That doesn’t mean I sacrifice myself for people with more privilege. That doesn’t mean I prioritize the voices and experiences of privileged groups over more marginalized groups. It means that I know the target for what I’m trying to help dismantle extends far beyond the shortcomings of the people just ahead of me in the hierarchy. I’m choosing to focus on that target.
This week my thoughts are on, and my heart is with the many Asian women whom I’ve met over the years (and the far more whom I haven’t met) in a more focused an intentional way. It saddens me that they would have to live in fear. I know what that is like. I truly have empathy.
I can’t be at the forefront, at the helm, or leading the charge of every issue that I care about, but I do stand in solidarity.
I was so excited for this week’s live because I got to chat with a longtime, regular viewer of the weekly lives- Jorge Vidal, whom I’ve mentioned on the live streams several times as “Armando” (based on his handle). I knew it would be special, but Jorge really shined! We got into some deep points about the myriad intersections of privilege and marginalization and how colorism can’t be extracted from experiences of gender, sexuality, ethnicity, nationality, masculinity, and more. Jorge also drops some gems about going beyond merely acknowledging privilege to being active in dismantling structures of domination.
A must watch. Scroll to the end of this post for the full conversation.
Jorge Vidal is a community builder, healer, and social justice practitioner/ally born in Peru who has made the US home for 32 years. Over the decades, as a front-line worker, Jorge has been a witness to many injustices and lack of celebration for BITQPOC folks. Leading with feminine energy as a Latino man was not always easy, but magic happened when Jorge found power in his intersections. He has been a strong advocate for cultural organizations and peers across the US as a cultural leader.
In all, Jorge has lived and worked with the Latino community in 5 different states including New York, Puerto Rico, DC, and Florida. Within the domestic violence and HIV/AIDS movement, Jorge has contributed to policy changes within organizations, race equity consultant, technical assistance provider, mentor to cultural leaders, and speaker in numerous conferences around and outside the United States. Jorge values and fights the undermining of heart-to-heart connection that often is overlooked in our work. He holds a master’s in social work from Fordham University.
Watch and Listen to the Full Conversation with Jorge Vidal:
This week’s post is about how internalized colorism manifests among dark-skinned people. Some will display all of these symptoms, some only one or a few, and others none at all. But the responses I got from this Instagram post and on my weekly live stream (watch below), it seems that many of my dark-skinned Fam could relate to at least some of this or have observed it in their environment. Also, these are just examples. Everyone’s experience will be unique.
Watch the full live stream of listen to the podcast:
How Internalized Colorism Shows Up Among Dark Skinned People
Believing that they have to partner with a light-skinned or non-black, non-indigenous partner so that their children:
are born light-skinned and “pretty”
have a better chance at life
don’t have to experience what they did
have “good” hair
Often times parents will also advise their children to adopt the same mindset and tell them not to “bring home” a dark-skinned person.
And this mindset also causes some dark-skinned people to police the bodies of other dark-skinned people, judging them for things like wearing bright colors, or advising them not to, etc.
Disproportionate Praise of light skinned people or eurocentric features
People rarely call this out, but it has always been obvious to me because they go beyond friendly compliments. It comes off more like fawning and pedestaling. It’s also usually in contrast to the complete lack of attention given to dark-skinned people in the same setting. It actually felt fetish-y and creepy when I witnessed it in the past.
Displaying acts of favoritism or preferential treatment toward light-skinned people.
My next example covers this topic too, but it can be even more subtle than this. Many of the audience on my live stream emphasized how prevalent it is in schools. I think classrooms have been notorious sites of colorism perpetuated by teachers and other school leaders of all races and all complexions.
Mistreatment of other dark-skinned people.
I’ll share my experience of having an abusive babysitter who would not let me have anything to drink until I ate every crumb off my plate, and she intentionally gave me more than she knew I could eat. The point was to torture me. And she drove home the point by sitting her light-skinned granddaughter directly across the table from me and letting her drink all the juice she wanted regardless of whether or not she touched her food.
Believing I have to compensate for bias against dark skin or hustle harder to prove my worth.
This was another symptom that resonated with many folks this week. It was certainly part of my subconscious narrative for a long time. I subconsciously assumed I would not get positive attention for the way I looked, so I had to be smarter, wittier, funnier, more talented, more interesting, or more successful. I know now that self-worth is not a hustle, it’s inherent. And it’s not my job to convince anyone. I don’t want to be associated with anyone who doesn’t already see me.
What can we do to heal?
Some of the answers I liked on my live streams included education and curation. We must educate ourselves, unlearn and relearn. We must also curate edifying representations of ourselves and dark-skinned people in general, whether it’s in the media, books, or our social circles.
I added that we must form relationships with dark-skinned people who have and who are doing the work to love themselves and to love dark-skin. We must see in our real everyday lives what unapologetic dark-skinnededness looks like, sounds like, feels like.
When it come to solving colorism and any social justice issue, I’ve always been an “All Hands on Deck” and “Fighting on All Fronts” kind of person. Not that I personally have to fight on all fronts, but that we need a collective strategy that accounts for all fronts. For that reason, I think of healing in Colorism Healing as a 3 pillar strategy that includes individual, interpersonal, and systemic work.
This week’s live was supposed to be an interview, but my guest fell ill. However, I still covered the planned discussion of Global Anti-Blackness, Global Colorism, and Education as a tool of Repression or Resistance.
A few things I explain include how anti-blackness is a product of negative narratives about Africa and that it provides leverage for white supremacy to thrive. For this reason, anyone interested in dismantling racism and white supremacy must address anti-blackness as part of their efforts. I revisit the Malcolm X essay I referred to the week before in which he is explaining the need for a global coalition of all Black and Brown nations to resist colonial power.
Education has historically been a tool of oppression, but with intentional strategy, we can use it as a tool for resistance and liberation. We propose 3 layers of education:
Understand systems.
Understand your history.
Understand yourself.
WATCH or Listen to the full live stream of my discussion on Global Anti-Blackness:
Please join me on Tuesdays for weekly lives streams covering all things colorism and related topics. If there’s a particular nuance or aspect of colorism you’d like me to discuss, let me know!
The Colorism Healing Writing Contest is open now through April 30th. We accept all forms of writing and All Are Welcome to submit.
These, of course, are not all of the icons in Black History that have influenced my work, but these are some of the most influential. I also chose individuals I encountered before, sometimes long before, I even heard of the term colorism, much less started blogging about it. These individuals were part of my coming of age journey during my middle school, high school, and college years.
I did a similar post and video last year that you might like as well!
Alice Walker
“We were speaking of the hostility many black black women feel toward light-skinned black women, and you said, ‘Well, I’m light. It’s not my fault. And I’m not going to apologize for it.’ I said apology for one’s color is not what anyone is asking. What black black women would be interested in, I think, is a consciously heightened awareness on the part of light black women that they are capable, and often quite unconsciously, of inflicting pain upon them; and that unless the question of Colorism–in my definition, prejudicial or preferential treatment of same-race people based solely on their color–is addressed in our communities and definitely in our black ‘sisterhoods’ we cannot, as a people, progress. For colorism, like colonialism, sexism, and racism, impedes us.” (1982)
Malcolm X
“When you teach a man to hate his lips, the lips that God gave him, the shape of the nose that God gave him, the texture of the hair that God gave him, the color of the skin that God gave him, you’ve committed the worst crime that a race of people can commit. And this is the crime that you’ve committed. Our color became a chain, a psychological chain. Our blood — African blood — became a psychological chain, a prison, because we were ashamed of it. We felt trapped because our skin was black. We felt trapped because we had African blood in our veins…. You still see the result of it among our people in this country today.” (1968)
Zora Neale Hurston
“I found the Negro, and always the blackest Negro, being made the butt of all jokes, particularly black women. … If it was so honorable and glorious to be black, why was it the yellow-skinned people among us had so much prestige? Even a child in the first grade could see that this was so from what happened in the classroom and on school programs. The light-skinned children were always the angels, fairies and queens of the school play. The lighter the girl, the more money and prestige she was apt to marry. So on into high school years, I was asking myself questions.” (1942)
Marcus Garvey
“The Black skin is not a badge of shame, but rather a glorious symbol of national greatness. If we as a people realized the greatness from which we came we would be less likely to disrespect ourselves.”
“We are going to emancipate ourselves from mental slavery because whilst others might free the body, none but ourselves can free the mind. Mind is your only ruler, sovereign. The man who is not able to develop and use his mind is bound to be the slave of the other man who uses his mind.”
“Do not remove the kinks from your hair; remove them from your brain.”
Tom Burrell
“Many of us boast of having a little Indian, Irish, Italian—any additional blood in our lineage boosts our value. We find ourselves using a sliding racial scale, somewhere between black and white, with lighter or whiter always, always defined as better…. The ‘color-struck’ class war played out in black families, neighborhoods, social clubs, churches, colleges, fraternal organizations, and nearly every conceivable part of our culture. As the stigma progressed, class stratification within the black community became based, to a large degree, on the presence or absence of black features. It is a profound irony that the attractiveness rating was enhanced by the whiteness of hair, skin color, and facial features. Sadly, that rating system continues today….” (2010)
Wallace Thurman
“Emma Lou Morgan’s skin is black. So black that it’s a source of shame to her not only among the largely white community of her hometown of Boise, Idaho, but also among her lighter-skinned family and friends. Seeking a community where she will be accepted, she leaves home at age eighteen, traveling first to Los Angeles and then to New York City, where in the Harlem of the 1920s she finds a vibrant scene of nightclubs and dance halls and parties and love affairs . . . and, still, rejection by her own race.” (book blurb for his novel)
“One of the most widely read and controversial works of the Harlem Renaissance, and the first novel to openly address prejudice among black Americans and the issue of colorism, The Blacker the Berry . . . is a book of undiminished power about the invidious role of skin color in American society.” Penguin Random House
Even in 2021, many people are surprised to find out that colorism is systemic. Many people still assume colorism is just about dating preferences, beauty pageants, and schoolyard bullying. But it even deeper than that. So for this week’s live chat, I explain 4 major areas of life impacted by colorism that a lot of folks are unaware of.
Colorism in Healthcare
Includes the Negative Impact of:
STRESS on our bodies
IMPLICIT BIAS of healthcare workers, especially perceptions of “strength,” “cleanliness,” or “morality”
ACCESS to adequate healthcare due to socioeconomic class
Colorism in Policing and Law
Includes the Negative Impact of:
IMPLICIT BIAS of cops, attorneys, jurors, POs, and judges, especially perceptions of “threat” or “criminality”
ACCESS to adequate legal counsel due to socioeconomic class
Colorism in Schooling and Education
Includes the Negative Impact of: IMPLICIT BIAS of teachers, administrators, and classmates, especially perceptions of “intelligence” and “goodness”
Colorism Disparities in Wealth and Wages
Includes the Negative Impact of:
IMPLICIT BIAS of employers, managers, coworkers especially perceptions of “intelligence,” “professionalism,” “competence,” “goodness,” “beauty,” etc.
GENERATIONAL CYCLES of wealth or poverty and educational access.
Colorism on college campuses is well known to many, yet discussed by few. I want to change that! In this week’s live, I raise the topic, especially since colorism exists, in some form, on every college campus.
There is a difference, however, in how it shows up on Historically Black Colleges and Universities (HBCUs) vs. predominantly white institutions (PWIs)
Colorism can be more obvious in all or mostly Black or BIPOC spaces because racial tensions are mitigated. With less attention being called to deal with racism, people are more likely to recognize colorism.
The curious case of HBCUs is that they were designed to address discrimination against Black people, yet they perpetuated discrimination against Black people. You had to be “the right kind of Black person,” which included classism and respectability politics.
I pose the questions: Have HBCUs and other Black organizations done enough to address this history of colorism? What are some things they could be doing?
Colorism is prevelant at PWIs as well. People of color bring their biases with them, and so it plays out in various dynamics among students, faculty, and staff. This includes perceptions of beauty, but notably perceptions of intelligence, professionalism, etc.
All of that said, despite some painful experiences with colorism on college campuses, many people still find their college experience to be a period where they learn to love themselves, accept their skin tone, hair texture, and features.
I think this speaks to the relative diversity of college campuses versus high schools. For the first time in their lives, many students are exposed to new and different people and ideas outside of their hometown or even outside of their neighborhood. There’s more opportunity to have your worldview and consciousness expanded.
That’s also how I/We are using this internet thing right now. Like no other time in history, we’re able to broaden our horizons. You can create a YOUniversity!! While you’re online, get connected to folks who teach you, inspire you, challenge you, and affirm and encourage you.
One thing I do periodically at the start of a new year is go on a media fast or media diet. The one rule for movies and TV shows I choose to watch is that they must have a good leading role for a dark-skinned Black woman.
In this weekly live, I chat with the audience about colorism in media, something specific that we can all do about it, and why it’s important to manage our media consumption more consciously and intentionally.
Earlier this week I brought back my weekly live streams. But there’s a new date and time: Tuesdays at 2:00 pm Central Time.
For the new year kick off, I made a few important announcements, and we kept it casual and short, which will be more of the style going forward.
Announcement 1:
The International Colorism Healing Writing Contest is NOW OPEN through April 30th!
Announcement 2:
We’re launching a new series called Where Are They Now? featuring former contest participants and judges. The series will be recorded live on Zoom for Patreon members, and the recording will then later be posted to the CH YouTube Channel.
Our very first guest is not only a former contestant, she’s also one of this year’s judges: Bobbi Simmons!
Finally, I also noted that next week’s live will focus on colorism in the media, and I have a very specific purpose for starting with that theme. Watch the full live stream below to find out why!
I’ve been sitting on this for weeks. Really years.
Lately I’ve been using a lot more photos of myself as the background for the quotes I post on social media. In a recent Instagram story, I noted that this was part of my strategy to dismantle colorism. I want to articulate that strategy more clearly because it brings out some of the insidious ways colorism persists even among the well-intentioned. I also think it’s helpful to share strategies so that more and more of us can implement practical tactics for progress.
I noted years ago, early on in this work, that people of all races seem more inclined to listen to and believe light skinned women who speak about colorism (and racism). Light skinned women are often given the benefit of the doubt, assumed to be credible, competent, unbiased or objective, especially in predominantly white or multi-racial spaces. But also in black spaces. They receive less skepticism, less push back. and less hostility when they speak up, especially if we’re talking about light skinned privilege.
This is an observation I became most aware of while presenting at conferences with my light skinned sister.
For me and so many other dark skinned black women who speak out against colorism, we are met not only with suspicion about our motives and skepticism about our credibility or intellect, we are also met with hostility and berated with personal attacks.
In response to Jessica Krug recently coming out as the sequel to Rachel Dolezal, many black folks who do antiracism work have said that such egregious lies are possible because of colorism and the ways that light skinned women are encouraged to take up space and be spokespeople for the race. This is all possible because of the implicit biases at play: who’s perceived to be educated, intelligent, articulate, professional, presentable, competent, upstanding, marketable, etc.
One of the first things I asked about Rachel Dolezal was would she have wanted to pass for black if it meant being dark skinned with 4c hair?
None of the blackfishers would. The reason black passing appeals to these white women is because they know how colorism places a premium on their features. They know that as a black woman they’d be positioned at the top of the color hierarchy. They’d have more privilege in black spaces passing as white-passing black people (the layers!) than they would as average white women in white spaces.
These examples, though, are not just of blackfishing on dating apps or for social media fame. These women were actively putting themselves out-front (and being pushed or welcomed to do so) as leaders on black historical, social, and political issues. They took up space masquerading as leaders in antiracist work all the while being racist in a particularly devious way.
So how does all of this relate to my strategy for dismantling colorism?
There’s increased demand for content on colorism, racism, antiblackness, and white supremacist systems. But none of this increased attention to these issues has actually elevated the position of dark-skinned black women. On the contrary, it has exacerbated divisions and served to reinforce the privilege of the privileged.
Society has said:
Hey, if we can get this info in a pretty (to us) package, then we’re in! Tell us about white-supremacist systems without challenging us to expel our own white-supremacist feelings. Give us the information on antiblackness that we need to boost our own clout and pacify our guilty consciences, but please don’t challenge us to reckon with our own antiblackness by attaching your image to it. Because by seeing you, dark skinned black woman, we’re forced to actually confront how we feel about your dark skin, type 4 hair, and wide nose. With your image attached, it’s no longer an abstract concept we can simply nod our heads at to appear as if we’re listening, all the while maintaining the status quo. When you come with your words, we are actually challenged to put into practice what we’re preaching.
I’ve seen firsthand how people are all too happy to take my words without taking me with them. And it’s painful to see people feasting on the fruits of my labor without inviting me to the table. It’s been painful to see people benefit from my creative, intellectual, and emotional output without recognizing the body, the mind, and the heart, that gave birth to, labored for, those ideas and words. The output of actual black women is not merely an intellectual game. It’s the flowering of years of life lived in the flesh.
My plan is to simply take full ownership and to be unapologetic about it. Part of what that looks like for me right now, is to be seen.
To be front and center. To put myself out there.
But it’s about the work. It’s not about me. Right?
Right?
I’ll expound on the other half of this strategy in a separate post.
In the Season 1 finale of my Wednesday Workshops, I finally dive deep into hairism, texturism, and other hair politics. Below is an outline of my major talking points. You can watch the full recording at the end of the post.
Personal Memories of Hairism, Texturism, and other Hair Politcs
When I was maybe 6-years-old, I prayed for long straight hair that fell down my back.
I would attach Mardi Gras bead, towels, or old shirts to my ponytail and make believe it was long flowing hair!!
That eventually changed in high school when I went natural. I remember someone whisper from the back of my high school math class: “Sarah is Brave!”
I wondered why I needed courage to let my hair grow the way it naturally grows from my scalp?
That’s Hair Politics!
Hair is highly racialized, especially for black people. It was a primary way of identifying black people during slavery.
Our hair is also one of the most highly stigmatized features of black people for that same reason.
Slavery and Colonialism divorced us from our native hair-care practices, tools, and rituals.
Hair is also highly politicized because it’s the most mutable of all our racial features. The one we can most easily “do something with.”
Black people have been conditioned to be especially ashamed of the features of our hair that are most distinct from others:
its capacity to hold its shape and defy gravity. AKA: stick up! (vs. the color of it)
and it’s immovability, it’s stay-put-ness. It doesn’t swing or sway or flip!!!!
Hair and Color are a serious intersection of beauty politics for black people!!!
Hair politics also includes Institutionalized Racism in dress codes and hair policies at work and school that target uniquely BLACK hairstyles
Hairism also involves gender stereotypes and conditioning about femininity that make it especially contentious for black women!
Hairism is not just about the texture, but also the style and the length.
Hair is closely tied to class and respectability politics.
But there is a steadily growing practice of Hair Love!!!
I end the live with practices we can do to reaffirm our natural black roots.
HOMEWORK: Write a love letter to your ROOTS!!! Find or create your own hair rituals. Naturally High Hair noted in a recent live that hair rituals can be meditative. Can be the time you take for meditation, prayer, and affirmation!! Let your hair-care practice be an homage to your ancestors, and intentional love letter to your ROOTS!!!
AFFIRMATION: I love the hair I was born with. My natural hair is enough. My hair is beautiful just the way it naturally grows from my scalp. I am worthy of every second and every cent I invest in my hair care.
NEW: Launching Patreon September 1st, with the September theme of High Learning!
What are your favorite self care practices? In this live, I explain the need to distinguish between self care vs. escapism. You can watch or listen to the entire recording at the end of this post. I’ve included my overall outline below as well.
I began the live by featuring some audience responses to my story poll on Instagram about favorite self-care practices. These included beauty routines, getting extra sleep, dancing, music, exercise, journaling, social breaks, and family checkins.
These are all examples of our favorite self-care practices because they’re fun, cute, comfy, cozy, and pleasant. And there are definitely excellent benefits to these forms of caring for the self.
Benefits of Fun Self Care.
Rest and rejuvenation
Mood boosters
Confidence boosters
We regularly and willingly talk about the fun forms of self care, but some of the most important self care we can do is actually very difficult and can make us feel extremely uncomfortable.
Self-Care for growth and healing does not focus only on fun, cute, comfy, cozy, feel good in the moment activities.
And it’s important to know when the fun sensation of a habit crosses into the territory of escapism.
Self-Care vs. Escapism, Numbing, Avoiding
Escapism can be identified when the goal is actually to avoid addressing our problems or to numb our feelings about issues.
It’s not all bad. We may choose to “escape” for a little bit in order to recharge before facing an issue head on.
But habitual or chronic escapism actually exacerbates our problems and can lead to things like addiction.
The primary difference between self care vs. escapism is whether the practice allows you to open up to your life and face each day more well, to thrive in all areas of your life, or whether the habit numbs you to your life and makes it more difficult to thrive.
Other important forms of Self-Care that aren’t so comfy cozy and cute:
Nutrition and Physical Health
Setting boundaries, communicating them, and maintaining them.
Having honest conversations
Introspection (journaling)
Defining your “North Node”: Setting intentions and goals as well as tracking your growth.
Celebrating your growth falls into the FUN category!
HOMEWORK: Do self-care every day this week.
AFFIRMATION: My present choices are in authentic alignment with my future vision!
(I’m really excited about sharing this affirmation because it’s one I wrote for myself and that I’m currently using in my personal life.)
Prior to this Wednesday Workshop I polled viewers of my Instagram Stories asking them: What is Healing? I received a few fabulous responses that you can hear me read in the audio or video below. What I’m outlining here are some key points about how I understand healing based on personal experiences as well as doing this work with various communities and individuals over the years.
I was very intentional about calling my work Colorism Healing. It’s not colorism healed. There’s nothing past tense about it. It is a present, recurring practice. It is an ongoing journey that requires active intention and commitment. You can’t give up just because you don’t see overnight progress.
And it does take commitment and a strong desire to heal. We can actually be attached or addicted to the wounds, the pain, the chaos, because it’s familiar and because it’s become our ego identity. If has come to identify itself with or as the wounding, then your ego will resist healing because it will actually feel like death to the ego. You ego no longer knows who it is or would be without hoarding the pain.
That can be freeing, though, if you ask yourself: Who whould I be if I let this go? What would my life actually be like if I started to heal?
Those can be immensely painful question or immensely powerful questions.
You have the choice.
Healing, though, does feel less like effort or struggle and feels more like surrender. It feels, to me, less like force and more like acceptance and peace and not trying to control every outcome.
Thankfully, I have learned that I cannot control other people, which means I also learned that I cannot wait for other people to change before I begin to forgive and heal. My healing can happen independent of other people and independent of my external environment. This may be hard to grasp or accept, but ask yourself: If nothing and no one around changes, am I doomed to a life of misery? Or can I step into my own power over myself and find a way to have peace?
Although #Unbothered is cool and trendy, I think it’s highly overrated. We should be open to the full spectrum of human emotions. We can’t actually achieve the highs if we aren’t willing to risk the lows.
Bettering yourself because you think it will change the other person or prove a point to them or please someone else, is not healing. (It’s actually manipulation.)
Your healing has to be for you.
Lastly: Let yourself cry.
Homework: Describe healing for yourself. How does it feel to you? What does it look like, sound like? Allows you to recognize and celebrate your growth!!
Affirmations: I have everything I need to begin my healing journey. I am divinely supported on my healing journey. My healing is up to me. I take full responsibility for my own healing. No matter what my circumstances are, my healing is within my power.
I wrote a lengthier post on colorism in relationships and preference vs. colorism back in 2013 that you can read for additional context. This Wednesday Workshop, I took the time to expound on some of those ideas and to actually go a little deeper. These thirteen points actually speak directly to explaining why there actually is no difference between preference and colorism. Read on to see what I mean.
1) This question or debate most often comes up in the context of dating choices. One of the most Visceral and most Visible
2) Our preferences can be problematic. Like the preference to not have black neighbors. Or to not serve black customers. Or to not sit next to a black person on a bus or plane
3) We don’t always experience our biases and prejudices as such. We typically experience them as preferences. Racist people don’t experience themselves as racists. They experience themselves as being perfectly normal and justified in their preference for all-white communities, etc. In other words, you don’t have to feel colorist to be colorist.
4) Colorism is not just the negative or oppressive experiences dark-skinned people face, it’s also the positive and privileged experiences light skinned people face. Colorism can show up as prejudicial and preferential treatment.
5) Our preferences are often socially or individually conditioned.
Psychology’s Classic Conditioning.
Can be benign or not socially harmful, like associating the color blue with feeling calm or associating peach cobbler with feelings of home.
But when it’s socially harmful like creating inequity or dehumanization and victimization of people, you have a responsibility to check your preferences.
6) Most likely to date people we are similar to or in close proximity to. That means black men and others who are racist and/or colorist when dating, have to go out of their way to actually do something that is very unnatural.
7) Media representations of couples condition us to normalize white/light woman/feminine with brown/dark man/masculine. How often in media do you see dark-skinned women as the love interest? As the star of a romantic comedy or drama, or the leading lady, etc.
8) If your preference is a natural instinct, how can you predetermine what kind of person you will date or marry? Shouldn’t you wait for your body to respond when you see that person? It’s less biological and more psychological.
9) Not all dark-skinned people look alike. Not all light-skinned people look alike.
10) If you’re willing to date a dark-skinned girl in secret or have sex with her, it’s not a mere biological preference, it’s a socio-political preference. You’re choosing to date/marry based on social clout, not natural attraction.
11) Whatever you do prefer or don’t is based on racist stereotypes. If you have to downgrade or demean or vilify dark-skinned women to justify your preference you are extremely colorist and white supremacist.
12) To be a colorist is to be a white supremacist.
13) You don’t have to give up your preferences. You have the right to choose to continue to be colorist, or racist, etc.
HOMEWORK: Assess the imagery you’ve been exposed to. How many times do you see the feminine portrayed as fair skinned and the masculine portrayed as dark skinned? And when you do see a dark-skinned feminine, how are they portrayed?
AFFIRMATION: I have learned to let go and move on toward my higher calling.
This was so much fun! Questions ranged from: usage of the word exotic, racist jokes, online dating, distrust of light skinned women, how to support dark skinned people, and media representation. Below I’ve included abridged versions of each question and key points from my answers.
Sounds of Color (DM): Hello, Dr. Webb. I would like to ask about something since one of our audience gave us some comment about using the word “Exotic.” She that word was one of many that hopefully could be vanished over dark skinned or black people in America. And also she said that, calling someone with word “exotic” is a part of doing colorism? I hope you could give me an explanation so we could understand more about it. Thank you so much for your attention Dr. Webb! Love, Sounds of Color Team.Exotic destinations, exotic animals, exotic plants- not humans.
Answer:
Form of objectification. Form of othering. Further emphasizes that you are “alien” or abnormal and thus must be somehow relegated outside or on the margins.
Only worthy as your fantasy, as your play doll, as your escape or vacation from reality, or as your fetish.
Closely tied to the history of colonialism and conquest and exploitation by Europeans and White Americans.
M (email): Dear Dr Webb, I have just come across your blog about Colorism v Racism. Whilst I understand your conclusion that the two are essentially one and the same, I would plead for an acceptability of the latter when in certain circumstances. I gently tease other nations, and would expect and accept the same from them. Yes I am English (for better or worse) in a way that causes amusement to others as well as me. On the other hand, I am totally against any aspect of even teasing about colour – although have in the past been teased for the lightness of my skin by someone of a darker hue. I live by the maxim that the Good Lord created us such that we bleed the same colour blood, and are the same in spirit. I am 62 years old so have many years of ‘old-fashionedness’ about me that makes many of today’s attitudes seem extreme, but with younger daughters, am learning fast! I would value your thoughts as to whether such teasing is really racism in disguise. All good wishes, M
Answer:
Jokes that diss, demean, downgrade, negatively stereotype are not okay. They reinforce racist ideas.
Can we ever tell jokes again? Jokes can actually be used to raise awareness and to convict us. Jokes can be subversive. Ex. Luvvie Ajay, Robin Thede, A Black Lady Sketch Show, Trevor Noah,
Consider your positionality and the power dynamics and historical context.
love.justice.2 (comment): What about colorism in online dating? I often feel left out.
Answer:
It’s real. See my latest IG post on Preference or Prejudice based on my 2013 blog post.
So it mirrors the same inequity and discrimination in the offline world.
Heightened in online dating because people can select preferences and never even get the opportunity to meet dark-skinned black women.
Heightened because all you have to go on initially is visual photos.
In the offline world, you don’t have the same artificial control of who you meet.
Anon (IG DM): (and all LS DMs) “I don’t want to say reverse colorism. There’s no such thing just like there’s no such thing as reverse racism. But I’ve noticed within the Black community a lot of anger towards light skinned women. I understand where it comes from, but I don’t know what I can do to make another black women feel like I’m not a threat. I’m also biracial with a black father and a white mother. But in the United States, we’re all just black.”
Answer:
Correct: Reaction to the system does NOT = the system.
Not all seen as “just black.”
Black father, white mother, exposes the truth of the system.
So perhaps on some level, there is a “threat.” Regardless of your intentions, you are more likely to be chosen to get picked because your skin is lighter. Even if you as the individual are not threatening, you represent a system that is.
The way to heal and reconcile that is for light skinned women to be heavily invested in dismantling the system. What that might look like brings me to my next question.
In a society that not only tries to tear us down but also tear us apart, sisterhood does not come merely because we wish it. Sisterhood requires that we show up for our sisters, especially the more vulnerable. Sisterhood is a journey in which we seek to find our way back to each other.
Dr. Sarah L. Webb
Anilacy (IG Q): “What can we do to support our dark-skinned neighbors, friends and loved ones right now?”
Be the first person to speak up about colorism- in general and in response to specific instances.
Actively create space for dark-skinned people.
Check on the physical and financial needs of dark-skinned people.
Listen to them without redirecting the conversation back to you.
There were more questions asked live, but you’ll have to watch the video to view those! 🙂
HOMEWORK: Come up with more questions!
AFFIRMATION: I have learned to let go and move on toward my higher calling.
“It starts at home.” We’ve all heard this (or said this) and it speaks directly to the importance of addressing colorism in families of color. I have given tips on addressing colorism in families in a 2013 blog post, so I won’t write out a detailed transcript because you can see that original post. But I do want to share this recent Wednesday Workshop streamed live on July 22, 2020. Below is the basic outline, plus your weekly homework assignment and affirmations!
Common Themes of Colorism in Families of Color
Families of color are often multicolored, which makes issues of colorism more pronounced.
There are generational cycles of trauma that perpetuate colorism.
Preferential treatment often creates rifts.
Both darker skinned and lighter skinned people are susceptible to abuse but for different reasons.
Sometimes it’s forces outside the home/family that cause harm or create rifts.
Family dynamics are inherently vulnerable, which is why we have to be so vigilant, especially for children.
“No one has the power to hurt you like your kin.” -India Arie
India Arie, “Get it Together,” Voyage to India
Homework: Identify one family member you’d like to talk to about colorism and share this post, video, or other resource with them to jumpstart a conversation.
Affirmation: I learn from my history, but I also transcend it.
