Continuing in the vein of last week, I choose another audience question to respond to. The paraphrase of the question is:
How do you address feelings about dark skin, colorism, and racism with your grandchild who doesn’t like her skin color, lives in a predominantly white environment, and lacks black culture and influence?
There are lots of different nuances and more specific scenarios that determine how I would answer this question, so for the sake of being precise, I narrowed my scope by making a few assumptions to the context:
- The grandchild’s primary guardian is not Black.
- You can’t count on cooperation or support from that guardian.
- Your time with your grandchild is very limited.
Unfortunately, there are scenarios when the primary guardian is actually antagonistic and is actively promoting racist and colorist ideology. That would be a much more complicated situation that I might address in a different post. But for the less antagonistic context I outlined above, here are the basic strategies I presented during the live stream.
1) Look within and patch any holes in your boat.
Are you inadvertently sending messages that are counterproductive? Does the environment you’ve created for her to be in have any subliminal or explicit messages that undercut what you’re trying to do? How often do you celebrate your Blackness? What do you watch on TV or listen to on the radio? What do you wear? How do you decorate your home? Is there subtle white-supremacist or anti-Black messaging seeping in anywhere?
2) Choose media that promotes love and celebration of Blackness
This includes TV shows, YouTube videos, movies, books, coloring books, songs, music, dolls, and toys.
The real magic, however, is in not merely providing these things for her, but in enjoying them with her. Play with her. Talk through the games, books, and TV shows with her. Make comments about how the brown and dark-skinned characters are your favorite. Make reference to how characters look like her or other Black people in her life.
3) Show them media not intended for kids
You’d be surprised at how you can expand a child’s exposure to positive representations of Blackness by letting them see family friendly media not explicitly made for children. For example, you could watch with her a Serena Williams tennis match, or Simone Biles gymnastics routine, or a Michaela DePrince ballet dance, or a Surya Bonaly figure skating routine, or a Black Miss America, etc.
4) Talk with them directly about racism and colorism
For Black children raised in mostly white environments, there is probably not a lot of explanation or discussion that can help your grandchild process, think about, or cope with the racism and colorism she experiences. You’ll have to equip her with the critical thinking skills, the history lessons, and the various healthy coping strategies that Black parents have passed on to children for generations.