by Kiki Nicole
i.
when they plucked me from my mother’s womb
it had been too late, but it looked as if
i’d been picked too soon–the exact
definition of the word ‘paleface.’
whiteness became me. this is how it begins.
ii.
i am brown but not black enough.
i am black but not white enough.
the music i listen to praises snow
white gothic goddesses, TV shows praise
girls who don’t look like me. i met
my best friend because i thought she
was white–all of my friends are lighter
than me.
iii.
i change my nightly prayers to include
salvation from the curse of being too black,
nappy-headed, and ugly. if so, i’ll cross my heart
and hope to die.
iv.
i am the child picked last in gym class.
i can’t claim #teamlightskin or #teamdarkskin–
my hair is courser at the top of my head but
falls in curly tendrils at the ends. i cannot
claim to have good or bad hair, i am not dark
nor fair–i am not mixed,
but still stuck in between.
v.
“what are you?” she asks. we sit in
class before the teacher comes in.
i tell her i am black. “are you sure
you aren’t puerto rican?” i tell her
no, but she doesn’t believe me.
she can’t seem to recognize skin
from the same land, her’s a beautiful
bistre dark brown, mine’s a shade of copper.
“you’re too pretty to be all black.”
vi.
fruits undergo ripening to become more palatable,
easier to swallow whole.
as they ripen, blackberries become less green,
sweeter,
softer,
blacker.
*2014 Colorism Poetry Contest Division 2 Honorable Mention
About the Poet: Kiki Nicole is a 19 year old undergraduate student of Creative Writing at Hollins University. She lives in Charlotte, North Carolina with her mother, younger sister, and dog. She has been published in her school’s literary publications, Roanoke’s Bella Magazine, the most current edition of the Wes Anderzine, and online at Bitchtopia Mag and The Pulp Zine. She writes poetry, prose, and personal essays with the help of embarrassing playlists and caffeine. She writes for the quiet, colored girls who can only find comfort within the margins and for all of the dreamers. You can find her at kiarranicole.blogspot.com.