by Sydney Odell
they say that I am white
but I cannot find that part of me.
they point to My forearm and say
“there!” as if they have won.
I look down, but all I see
is blue veins strung taught
under a fleshy mother
of pearl casing.
when I pierce My skin further,
searching for this opaque identity
only red unveils itself visible–
making tiny puddles of murky
rain, a scarlet row of braille.
there are no other hues.
I am confused.
in science they teach us about light,
about prisms and how refraction
illuminates the spectrum of visibility.
this is how rainbows are formed,
this is the creative purpose
of white’s translucent invisibility–
to project that illumination and
make diversity visible
when I tell the others that I am not white
that I am prism, I am a rainbow–
I can only be understood
in relation to the light that I interpret
they do not see My ultimate invisibility.
“You are white” they laugh,
walk away. they have learned
it is easier this way.
in art we learn that white is not the
absence of color, but a commolgamization of
many different shades, infused together to
create one encompassing blanket of unity.
but even so we do not spend time
making white–
we make brown black gold
turquoise magenta scarlet, but
when I point to My skin and say
it’s not an absence but a substance,
tangible and meaty
they cannot draw the oils to
paint this evasive white
“it’s deeper than skin”,
they say–and so I dig deeper with
mercantile precision to the
very center of my being, so
confident that that i will find
that pure canvas awaiting me.
at last my hands find the
solid mass that grounds me,
hidden deep between the slippery
pink of my life-giving organs.
with one final breath, I pull–
giving birth to this whiteness
everyone keeps speaking about.
i think now it is not so literal.
i think now it is far too late.
*2014 Colorism Poetry Contest Division 3 Honorable Mention
About the Poet: My name is Sydney and I’m desperately trying to convince myself I’m just another clichéd twenty-something with a passion for travel and a deep dedication to making it happen. I graduated last year from the American Dream with a degree in Unemployment with two minors in Debt and Crushing Self Doubt. Caught somewhere in between the annoying “go-getter” attitude and appalling laziness, I spend most of my time writing, reading, cooking, exploring, and screwing around on the internet for the best airline deals. I have currently placed myself in Istanbul, Turkey where I live with my Iranian boyfriend as a part time nanny and full-time street cat enthusiast. I’ve also recently started a website dedicated to finding out where all my female travel heroines are (wheroines.com) to inspire the next generation of female travelers to be empowered and get moving, an issue always at the forefront of my mind as an eternal expat. Still trying to figure out what’s next in my life plan and how I can combine what I want to do with paying the bills.