I wrote a lengthier post on colorism in relationships and preference vs. colorism back in 2013 that you can read for additional context. This Wednesday Workshop, I took the time to expound on some of those ideas and to actually go a little deeper. These thirteen points actually speak directly to explaining why there actually is no difference between preference and colorism. Read on to see what I mean.
You can Watch, Listen, or Read below
13 Ways to Spot Preference Vs. Colorism
1) This question or debate most often comes up in the context of dating choices. One of the most Visceral and most Visible
2) Our preferences can be problematic. Like the preference to not have black neighbors. Or to not serve black customers. Or to not sit next to a black person on a bus or plane
3) We don’t always experience our biases and prejudices as such. We typically experience them as preferences. Racist people don’t experience themselves as racists. They experience themselves as being perfectly normal and justified in their preference for all-white communities, etc. In other words, you don’t have to feel colorist to be colorist.
4) Colorism is not just the negative or oppressive experiences dark-skinned people face, it’s also the positive and privileged experiences light skinned people face. Colorism can show up as prejudicial and preferential treatment.
5) Our preferences are often socially or individually conditioned.
- Psychology’s Classic Conditioning.
- Can be benign or not socially harmful, like associating the color blue with feeling calm or associating peach cobbler with feelings of home.
- But when it’s socially harmful like creating inequity or dehumanization and victimization of people, you have a responsibility to check your preferences.
6) Most likely to date people we are similar to or in close proximity to. That means black men and others who are racist and/or colorist when dating, have to go out of their way to actually do something that is very unnatural.
7) Media representations of couples condition us to normalize white/light woman/feminine with brown/dark man/masculine. How often in media do you see dark-skinned women as the love interest? As the star of a romantic comedy or drama, or the leading lady, etc.
8) If your preference is a natural instinct, how can you predetermine what kind of person you will date or marry? Shouldn’t you wait for your body to respond when you see that person? It’s less biological and more psychological.
9) Not all dark-skinned people look alike. Not all light-skinned people look alike.
10) If you’re willing to date a dark-skinned girl in secret or have sex with her, it’s not a mere biological preference, it’s a socio-political preference. You’re choosing to date/marry based on social clout, not natural attraction.
11) Whatever you do prefer or don’t is based on racist stereotypes. If you have to downgrade or demean or vilify dark-skinned women to justify your preference you are extremely colorist and white supremacist.
12) To be a colorist is to be a white supremacist.
13) You don’t have to give up your preferences. You have the right to choose to continue to be colorist, or racist, etc.
HOMEWORK: Assess the imagery you’ve been exposed to. How many times do you see the feminine portrayed as fair skinned and the masculine portrayed as dark skinned? And when you do see a dark-skinned feminine, how are they portrayed?
AFFIRMATION: I have learned to let go and move on toward my higher calling.
