“& this is for colored girls who have considered suicide / but are movin to the ends of their own rainbows”
—Ntozake Shange
In 1975 the poet Ntozake Shange published For Colored Girls who have Considered Suicide when the Rainbow is Enuf. In April 2014, the rainbow proved insufficient for one colored girl, Karyn Washington, creator of the online communities For Brown Girls and The #DarkSkinRedLips Project.
Like most of her fans, I didn’t know Karyn personally, but we exchanged a few tweets and emails about our common interests in colorism, self-love, and empowerment.
I got the news of Karyn’s suicide on Friday afternoon and struggled to fight back tears the rest of the workday.
As a comrade in the battle against colorism, a kindred dark-brown girl, and someone who fights every day to keep the demons of depression at bay, I felt the missing weight of of my beautiful sister’s life. Like a seesaw. It’s easier to manage the ups and downs when there’s someone on the other end. Only when there’s a strong counterbalance can we hope to rise again.
Karyn was reportedly suffering from depression following the death of her mother. She’d lost her counterbalance. And who can replace the weight of a mother?
She started FBG at the young age of 19, and only three years later killed herself at the age of 22.
While I can’t help but imagine the kind of impact she could have made on the world if she’d lived to be an old woman, I’m grateful for the work she left behind and all that she did accomplish.
For many girls and women, Karyn Washington was part of the rainbow, someone who helped them see the whole spectrum of their world and appreciate every shade.
But where did the rainbow fall apart for Karyn? Who could have been there to fill in the gap for her, just as she’d done for others?
In a recent edition of Shange’s book, she says we might think we face the cruelty of this world alone, “but we don’t. We discover that by sharing with each other we find strength to go on.”
At the end of Shange’s For Colored Girls, the seven ladies “enter into a closed tight circle.”
That’s the rainbow.
But for too many of us, that circle isn’t so tight. For too many of us the circle is broken and the rainbow is not enough.
When Karyn lost her mother, she lost a significant part of her rainbow. Perhaps she felt her circle was then too broken to ever be whole again.
Whether we know it or not, we’re all a part of someone else’s rainbow.
Karyn’s suicide makes me feel the urgency of completing and tightening the circle for as many people as possible. That includes helping them find professional help when needed. (We probably all need it at some point.)
Now that Karyn is gone, there’s an important space to fill in the struggle for self-love and empowerment and the ongoing battle against colorism.
So take your places. Shine with the light of your true colors.
If you are considering suicide, call 1-800-273-8255. For additional information, visit www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.