This week’s post is about how internalized colorism manifests among dark-skinned people. Some will display all of these symptoms, some only one or a few, and others none at all. But the responses I got from this Instagram post and on my weekly live stream (watch below), it seems that many of my dark-skinned Fam could relate to at least some of this or have observed it in their environment. Also, these are just examples. Everyone’s experience will be unique.
Watch the full live stream of listen to the podcast:
How Internalized Colorism Shows Up Among Dark Skinned People
Believing that they have to partner with a light-skinned or non-black, non-indigenous partner so that their children:
- are born light-skinned and “pretty”
- have a better chance at life
- don’t have to experience what they did
- have “good” hair
Often times parents will also advise their children to adopt the same mindset and tell them not to “bring home” a dark-skinned person.
Believing they are too dark to:
- be out in the sun
- wear bright colors (red lipstick, yellow, neon colors, etc.)
- wear natural hair
- express anger or frustration
And this mindset also causes some dark-skinned people to police the bodies of other dark-skinned people, judging them for things like wearing bright colors, or advising them not to, etc.
Disproportionate Praise of light skinned people or eurocentric features
People rarely call this out, but it has always been obvious to me because they go beyond friendly compliments. It comes off more like fawning and pedestaling. It’s also usually in contrast to the complete lack of attention given to dark-skinned people in the same setting. It actually felt fetish-y and creepy when I witnessed it in the past.
Displaying acts of favoritism or preferential treatment toward light-skinned people.
My next example covers this topic too, but it can be even more subtle than this. Many of the audience on my live stream emphasized how prevalent it is in schools. I think classrooms have been notorious sites of colorism perpetuated by teachers and other school leaders of all races and all complexions.
Mistreatment of other dark-skinned people.
I’ll share my experience of having an abusive babysitter who would not let me have anything to drink until I ate every crumb off my plate, and she intentionally gave me more than she knew I could eat. The point was to torture me. And she drove home the point by sitting her light-skinned granddaughter directly across the table from me and letting her drink all the juice she wanted regardless of whether or not she touched her food.
Believing I have to compensate for bias against dark skin or hustle harder to prove my worth.
This was another symptom that resonated with many folks this week. It was certainly part of my subconscious narrative for a long time. I subconsciously assumed I would not get positive attention for the way I looked, so I had to be smarter, wittier, funnier, more talented, more interesting, or more successful. I know now that self-worth is not a hustle, it’s inherent. And it’s not my job to convince anyone. I don’t want to be associated with anyone who doesn’t already see me.
What can we do to heal?
Some of the answers I liked on my live streams included education and curation. We must educate ourselves, unlearn and relearn. We must also curate edifying representations of ourselves and dark-skinned people in general, whether it’s in the media, books, or our social circles.
I added that we must form relationships with dark-skinned people who have and who are doing the work to love themselves and to love dark-skin. We must see in our real everyday lives what unapologetic dark-skinnededness looks like, sounds like, feels like.
I’m here for you. đź’›