Public Speaker. Life Coach. Founder of Colorism Healing.
Author: Colorism Healing
Colorism Healing is designed to provide a nexus of information, resources, discussion, and empowerment for those in the global community who seek healing and solutions to colorism.
Colorism in social media can be seen as merely a reflection of what goes on in the world at large; however, the very nature of social media has actually transformed the ways in which we experience colorism in modern society.
Listen to Dr. Webb read this blog post or scroll to continue reading.
Throughout history, colorism has always been perpetuated in large part through various forms of media, from ancient stories and texts that equated dark with evil and light with good, to prejudicial casting in Hollywood films.
But social media has a few characteristics that make it unique from other, older forms of media. Social media:
allows people to be anonymous or create personas, therefore allowing them to say things they might have never voiced otherwise.
allows people to organize around common interests and easily connect with like-minded people.
creates a false sense of importance that prompts us to publicize all of our thoughts as if each one is breaking news being fed to an eager audience of adoring fans or concerned citizens.
keeps a record of what we say, tracks our online behavior, and informs us of what’s trending in certain areas.
is searchable, making it easy to find people and what they’re saying on any given topic.
is a more accessible form of media, a forum where more people can be seen and heard.
makes the world seem smaller by providing access to more people than ever before and by facilitating connections across societal and geographic borders.
These aspects of social media impact our experience of colorism in three basic ways:
Increased Conversation
Greater Alliances
More Control
Increased Conversation
Most of what people tend to discuss when talking about colorism in social media are the destructive conversations. Many folks post negative and stereotypical comments about people with certain skin tones, they brag about their prejudices, and they promote activities that perpetuate division and competition. Because I want this particular site to be as free of the negativity as possible, I’ve decided not to do the typical screen capture of some of these destructive social media posts, but if you’re curious or feel like you need to “see it to believe it,” a simple Google or twitter search will get you there.
But through social media, we’ve also had more constructive conversations about colorism, mainly to talk directly about stopping it, healing from it, acknowledging the detrimental effects, and affirming one another. On twitter, I’ve started a list that I call “Anti-Colorism Advocates.”
This is what’s beautiful about social media to me. People can reach out to one another in love, even to people they’ve never met. I want to encourage all of us to post, retweet, share, like, or pin more of the constructive conversations.
Greater Alliances
You might have heard of “alliances” like #teamdarkskin and #teamlightskin, which have seemed to create more division on the whole. However, social media does make it more simple to form constructive alliances. It’s relatively quick and easy to reach out to someone and receive instantaneous feedback. There’s potential for, and already much foundation being laid, for a global coalition against colorism (which I first mentioned in this post). This is the kind of alliance that could change the world for the better.
It wouldn’t be the kind of league that pits “us against them” in a battle against humanity. Quite the opposite. It would be a coalition of humanity working to dismantle the harmful ideology or white and light.
These constructive alliances also go a long way in letting young people know that they are not alone in their hurt and struggle, that there are others enduring the same thing, that there are others who’ve overcome it, and that there are others willing to help them do the same.
More Control
The mere fact that this site and others like it even exist and the fact that people like you are reading them is a testament to the more democratic and accessible nature of the internet.
This benefits us as we work for change because we can seek out, create, and disseminate content that heals us and others. Part of healing the world from colorism is letting people of color know that just like we have control over how we design our profiles, who we follow or friend, and what we post on our social media accounts, we also have control over our healing. We can be proactive in nurturing the best in ourselves. We have the power to undo any self-defeating patterns we may have. We are not helpless and hopeless in the face of a long legacy of racism and colorism around the world because we also have a long legacy of triumph. And social media is the new tool that can help us sculpt a better world.
Let’s put out enough love and affirmation that we nullify the existence of colorism in social media.
In our efforts to combat colorism, there’s pushback from people who flat out deny that colorism is real. They claim that colorism doesn’t exist, that it’s just a make-believe issue, just jealousy, just a coincidence, etc. So just who are these people that would make such an outrageous claim?
Who says colorism doesn’t exist?
Scholars too blinded by “the research” to see what’s really happening
I witnessed this kind of denial when Soledad O’Brien’s Who is Black in America? aired on CNN. A couple of prominent black American scholars pointed to the lack of historical evidence to prove that things like the paper bag test ever existed, and so they totally berated the entire discussion of colorism.
Although there’s lots of evidence to suggest that these practices did indeed go on, it doesn’t matter. As I tweeted to one of these infuriated scholars: How can you listen to and watch young children express such disdain for dark skin, many of whom are dark, and not acknowledge the problem? How can you listen to and watch children express that light skin is more worthy simply because it’s close to white, and not acknowledge that there’s a problem?
Attention All Scholars: No matter the historical research, there’s plenty of empirical evidence that proves colorism is a contemporary problem around the globe.
People who think their experience is universal or have to “see it to believe it”
A few years back when I first ventured into open conversation about colorism, a dark skinned girl I knew in high school got ticked off with me. She cited her own experience as a dark skinned woman as the reason she doesn’t believe colorism exists. According to her, she’d never been treated differently, and people like me are simply looking for something to be angry about.
People make the same arguments for why racism in general is made up. They say, “Well I’ve never been discriminated against” or “I’ve never witnessed discrimination” as proof that it isn’t real.
Well, I can think of all sorts of bad things I’ve never experienced or witnessed (kidnapping, for example), yet I’d be pretty misguided to assume that those things are made up.
Those who refuse to own up to their complicity or give up their privilege
I never realized it until I was talking with someone who was conducting research on colorism for her doctorate. After telling her about the people who get angry when we talk about colorism, or who flat out deny it exists, she explained that those people usually benefit in some way from the existence of colorism, and so they block any conversations about it to maintain the status quo. It is probably often a subconscious thing, but it makes sense because most humans do this when we feel like our relative power is being threatened. And the people who directly or indirectly benefit aren’t always who you’d first suspect.
Dark skinned people who don’t want to be cast as the victim
Again, this is a similar form of denial that people express about racism in general. They see any talk of colorism as an “excuse” that holds people back. They put all the burden on the individual to “just get over it,” and they refuse to acknowledge the role of any structural, institutional, or social factors. Usually these types have achieved some level of relative success and think that if they’ve “made it” then it must be the individuals who are defective and not the society.
Folks who lack the courage to be honest
We may be brave in one aspect and cowardly in another. We all have a seed of cowardice and a seed of courage within us, and it’s up to us which one we nurture.
There are many people who are actually afraid to talk about race and colorism. It makes people uncomfortable and even angry, and the people-pleasers don’t want to upset anyone or lose any friends.
Regardless of what they really feel and think on an instinctual level, they’ll act like everything’s fine. They simply want to fit in, and that means not having controversial opinions.
What should we say to them?
Nothing.
That’s right. I wrote this entire post just to say that we should say nothing to those people who are willfully ignorant. We should be spending our energy where it counts: helping each other heal and stopping colorism from being passed on to future generations.
We should say nothing to them because actions speak louder than words. We say all that we need to say by continuing our conversations on colorism in very public and global forums. They throw verbal fire at us to get us to shut up, so by not shutting up, by continuing to speak on the things that upset them, we’re essentially saying: Colorism does exist, and despite your attacks, the anti-colorism movement presses forward.
While Hip Hop has many other problems (drugs, violence, homophobia, sexism, etc.), its standard of female beauty has long been a hot topic. Regardless of what we think about Hip Hop in general, it’s been labeled as part of the colorism problem; therefore, I think we should include Hip Hop in discussions about colorism remedies. In this post, I’ve been inspired by a particular artist to discuss opposing colorism in Hip Hop videos.
Music videos is one of the first issues brought up in discussions about colorism in America. This is an obvious place to start when you consider Hip Hop’s ubiquity and massive influence around the globe along with its infatuation with light skinned females and sometimes outright disdain for dark skinned females.
Most rappers and singers either proudly own their prejudices or make excuses and blame casting directors and modeling agencies. You’ll often hear them say, “That’s just the way it is.” or “There aren’t any dark skinned girls to choose from.”
There’s one young artist, however, who exposes the truth. Artists are not helpless. They can exercise control over their videos if they want to.
Kendrick Lamar made the conscious choice to replace a lighter skinned leading lady with a darker skinned leading lady for his “Poetic Justice” music video released several months ago. Lamar discussed his decision in an interview with Miss Info and reemphasized later on twitter that he doesn’t have a preference for any skin tone, but he’d always noticed there was disparity in casting and that he wanted to create some balance and promote equality.
So, Lamar has set an example, a rather courageous one. Not only did he make the choice on set, but he spoke about it openly and explained what he did and why, which is as important for opposing colorism in Hip Hop videos as the casting itself.
I’d be surprised if this brand of activism ever catches on the way more frivolous Hip Hop fads do, but it could. This is a start. It’s something.
I’m sure that even if casting improves, many will still choose not to watch certain music videos for other reasons, and I don’t blame them. But we can’t deny the fact that millions of children and youth watch these videos every day and are thus constantly subjected to the latent message that certain skin tones, hair textures, and features are unworthy of being seen, while others are the “gold” standard.
So whether or not we personally watch Hip Hop videos or allow our children to, it’s a medium that we must address if we’re going to fight colorism on a global scale.
Kendrick Lamar shows us that the industry is not utterly impenetrable. If fans and paying customers continue to support artists like Lamar who do the right thing on any number of issues, and (dare I say it?) curtail their fanaticism and support for artists who promote “light supremacy,” we might be able to make some progress.
I stumbled upon a useful article on Parents.com titled, “Talking About Race, Age-by-Age.” Although it’s not specifically about colorism, I think it’s extremely relevant since we have to talk to children about colorism in the context of race in general. Discussions on colorism and many other topics are often difficult for parents, especially the part about gauging how much children know or should know at certain ages.
The author of the article, Kara Corridan, uses the research of Dr. Rebecca Bigler, who breaks down the developmental stages of racial perception and understanding into four different age groups.
6 months – 1 year: Children can recognize differences in skin color and hair texture. At this age it’s important for parents to expose their children to diverse races and complexions.
2 – 3 years: Children become more vocal and may start commenting on skin color. Respond directly and calmly, gently correcting or affirming. It’s also fine to bring up differences in skin color, particularly during activities where differentiation is already occurring (i.e. “This woman is wearing blue. This woman is wearing red. This woman has brown skin.”)
4 – 6 years: At this age children start to assign positive or negative traits to people based on their cultural group. This can occur intraracially (within racial groups) as well. Children may make comments like, “Eww! Her skin is dirty.” The best thing to do in these cases is to again respond directly and calmly, correcting the error and affirming the worth of all skin tones.
7 – 8 years: Children in this age range become more open to the idea that we’re all different yet alike at the same time. Stress this fact whenever possible.
The advice stops at eight years old because many studies show that by this age attitudes and perceptions about race tend to stabilize, not solidify necessarily, but stabilize, which adds urgency to the idea of having discussions on colorism and race sooner than later. It’s never too early to start making an impact on this aspect of your child’s life, but it’s never too late either. Have the courage to get the conversation going.
To read the original article by Corridan, click here.
Because of the nature of this site, I’m making the assumption that the audience is already convinced that they should talk about colorism, so I’m merely exploring the question: When Should Parents Discuss Colorism With Their Children?
I have no conscious memory of this, but my mother often tells the story of when she first heard me vocalize my awareness of colorism.
I was five. Some women were complimenting my sister about how beautiful she was, and I whispered under my breath that they were only saying that about my sister because she was light skinned.
I tell this story as part of this piece because most people assume that a five year old is too young to understand that people are treated differently because of race and skin color. But research says that children can recognize racial differences as early as six months old and can vocalize and express racial awareness and even bias as early as three years old. I have no doubt that if I was able to verbalize that comment at the age of five, then I must have been aware of colorism before then. That just happened to be the first observable moment of my awareness.
Too many parents underestimate their children’s ability to understand the politics of skin color, but small children are perhaps, as a matter of necessity and survival, the keenest observers of their social environments. We talk about how toddlers are sponges and pick up on the most subtle clues from their environment. If you’ve ever seen your child mimicking adult behavior and it surprised you, then you know how true this is.
And it’s not just you they’re learning from. They learn from other adults, siblings, playmates, relatives, teachers, media, etc. With that in mind, it’s easy to see how they could be picking up on patterns and making inferences about skin color as part of their developmental process.
There are a lot of research based resources about how and when children learn about race that I want to apply to colorism.
“Children are not color-blind. Nor is their understanding of racial identity superficial. Children as young as age three have a complex understanding of the way in which society constructs racial categories, and that understanding goes well beyond surface appearances.
Simply telling kids that race doesn’t matter isn’t going to be very effective, since they obviously think it does in a couple of non-trivial respects.
To combat racism, we need to understand its basis. It’s not just a problem afflicting a few bigots. It’s a way of thinking about the kinds of people there are in the world that goes far beyond surface appearances and gives rise to invidious comparisons. And it’s a way of thinking that preschoolers have already begun to develop.”
Another relevant piece, “Children are Not Colorblind: How Children Learn Race,” written by Erin N. Winkler adds to the conversation:
“Children pick up on the ways in which whiteness is normalized and privileged in U.S. society. What does this mean? Consciously or unconsciously, middle-class white culture is presented as a norm or a standard in the United States in terms of appearance, beauty, language, cultural practices, food, and so on. Tatum (1997) argues that this message is so prevalent in our society it is like ‘smog in the air. Sometimes it is so thick it is visible, other times it is less apparent, but always, day in and day out, we are breathing it in’. For very young children, this ‘smog’ comes in the form of picture books, children’s movies, television, and children’s songs, which all include subtle messages that whiteness is preferable.
The lesson for caregivers of young children is: Do not shush children or shut down the conversation. Instead, engage in open, honest, frequent, and age-appropriate conversation about race, racial differences, and even racial inequity and racism. Research has shown that such conversations are associated with lower levels of bias in young children (Katz, 2003). Let go of the notion that you are “putting ideas in their heads” by talking about race; as we have seen, research shows that young children notice race and draw conclusions about difference on their own.”
While these reports are about race in general and not specifically about colorism, I think the concept is easily transferrable. I’m a real-life example of a once young girl who probably could’ve benefited from a few discussions of colorism at the age of five, four, or even three. It’s clear here that I’m advocating for talking about colorism sooner rather than later, but in the end, it’s up to parents to decide.
A couple of years ago I wrote a post about how the media rarely discusses the topic of colorism. In comparison to the number of open conversations had about body image in general, self-esteem, peer pressure, bullying, violence, drugs, teen pregnancy, racial profiling, etc, colorism was virtually non-existent in the mainstream media for a long time. School Daze, of course, not withstanding. But now, I’m happy to write this post on the media’s increased attention to colorism.
Over the past few years, there’s been an influx of media attention to the role that skin color specifically plays in societies and within racial groups. I’d say the biggest media project has been the Dark Girls Documentary. The most mainstream attention to colorism has been Soledad O’Brien’s Black in America 5. Because of Soledad’s presence on CNN, the issue of colorism finally hit a main stage and all sorts of people began discussing it on social media, websites, and more. Many people were even hearing about the term and the phenomenon for the first time.
But most recently, as in the past several days, I’ve seen six different television segments where colorism was a prominent theme or talking point, all within the span of a few days. Granted, five of those six (Dark Girls, Oprah’s Next Chapter, Imagine a Future, Girl Talk, and Being Mary Jane) were on so called “black” channels like Centric, BET, and OWN. The other was on MSNBC, but still part of the show anchored by a black woman, Melissa Harris Perry.
Regardless of where or when these segments aired, six distinct presentations of the theme of colorism is exponential growth compared to what was on television when I was growing up. So, hooray for younger generations coming of age today where they’re more likely to see their experiences validated in a major way.
I should also acknowledge that with this increased attention comes more contention. There are still those who say that colorism either doesn’t exist, is not worthy of our attention, or is the fault of an individual’s low self-esteem rather than something structural. I have a feeling though that this is merely the necessary growing pains that every movement goes through. The more we continue to talk openly about colorism, the less frightening the conversation will become.
That’s why I finally, after more than two years of wondering what my role in this movement could possibly be, decided to launch a site dedicated to continuing that conversation. When I searched the internet for colorism, there wasn’t one prominent site that people could return to every day for updated information, discussion, and inspiration about the topic of colorism. Many sites have featured pieces on colorism, but always in the context of a larger focus, like race, or black women’s lives in general, or current events, etc.
But here, you can count on finding new content about healing from colorism.
First, thank you for having the courage to take the stand, for having the courage to testify on behalf of your slain brother, a responsibility too many of us have been shucking for way too long. Most of us choose to plead the fifth, afraid that we’ll be judged just as you have been, and in our silence, the blasts of gunshots resound ever louder right in our own backyards.
I hope that other young people are not gagged by their fear of malicious tweets, but are encouraged by your example, encouraged to speak up and share their sides of the story, whatever that story might be. I pray that more black girls speak up and tell their stories. There are hosts of people, who try to dismiss, disparage, and downright silence voices like yours, but I tell you, little sister, you have been heard.
Second, not only do I hear you, I also see you, and you are beautiful.
I know that the mere color of a person’s skin and a person’s class too often discredit everything they say and do in the eyes of the prejudiced ones. I know that racism is the reason so many Black and non-bBlack people have come to consciously and subconsciously devalue dark skin. I know that’s the reason they feel so comfortable maligning you in your moment of grief.
But I’m feeling you. How could you not be annoyed and frustrated in the face of these men, who in many ways embody the source of an entire community’s anger? How could you not be frustrated and bitter about these men who are claiming that your beloved friend deserved to die, and that the person who murdered him was actually the real victim and deserves to live the rest of his life peacefully and free? When I saw the demeanor and heard the tone of the prosecutor, I knew exactly why you rolled your eyes. I’ve often rolled my eyes at people who are trying to “play me,” trying to be condescending and mocking.
Some of us only have respect for those who reflect the image of who we think we are or wish we could be. Some of us believe that only those who speak like us have a right to speak, and we shut our ears to songs sung by birds of other feathers. Some of us think that only those who look like us have a right to be seen, that only those who live like us have a right to live.
Rachel, I don’t know you, but I’m all too familiar with the way our culture breeds bullies and the way we’re taught and encouraged to tear each other down and rip each other apart. I’m all too familiar with the way society has to make examples out of a few so that the rest of us will be too terrified to simply be ourselves and say what we need to say. Although we’ve all been the bully before, we don’t have to accept the worst in ourselves. We don’t have to accept the worst in our world.
I hope that justice wins. I pray that you, the young vessel that was left to speak on behalf of someone who can no longer speak on behalf of himself, I hope that you find the hope and the healing that you need to go forward from this period in your life and always be beautiful and brave.
WARNING! This post may ignite a fire that can’t be extinguished (unless your mind’s already a fireball, in which case this post is completely benign). What follows are some questions about colorism. But first, let me say more about how questioning helps.
And don’t fear the fire! Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living,” and time has shown that fire is proof of purity (for metals at least, but think metal as metaphor).
The quickest road to flame starts with two, three-letter words: Why and How. These words have been known to incinerate things founded on fear instead of love, deception instead of truth.
Despite these benefits, many people avoid the fire because they can’t stand the heat or they’re afraid to get burned. You see, the fire doesn’t just consume fear and deception around us, it also consumes fear and deception within us.
As a teacher, I often ask Why and How, trying to get my students to think deeply and critically about what’s presented to them and about their prior assumptions. One assumption that several students have vocalized is that dark skin is a problem or an unfortunate condition that one should avoid when possible. Here’s some of what male and female African-American students of varying shades have actually said to me:
“I wish I was light-skinned like my mama.”
“This picture is ugly. I look black on here.”
“I’m not proud of myself. I got dark over the summer.”
“I’m black. I used to be lighter than this. I used to be as light as… well not you, but…”
“Dee is lighter than Maggie… That means Dee can smash her.”*
*QUICK NOTE: See my article in English Journal on how to use Alice Walker’s short story to teach lessons about colorism.
The fact that they make such comments as though everyone else thinks the way they do, lets me know how ubiquitous colorism is among Black people. Colorism seems as common as blinking and equally unconscious. Which is the problem. Too many are content living unconsciously, living unexamined lives. So I’ve been thinking. Maybe one remedy to colorism is for individuals to start asking Why and How. I urge all to ask these questions for any situation. (Why am I in an abusive relationship? How do I get out? Why am I unhappy at work? How can I change the trajectory of my life?) Gloria Steinem, the famous feminist, suggests:
“The only practical, permanent solution to poor body image seems to be turning inward to ask: Where did it come from? What subtle or blatant events gave birth to it? What peer pressure nurtured it? What popular images make our real selves seem different or wrong?”
Regarding skin color, we should examine our attitudes regardless of what color we are, regardless of which direction our bias is projected, and regardless of whether or not we feel complicit.
I’ve suggested some questions about colorism below that I think are helpful. As you read these, remember that IDK (I don’t know) is not an answer for someone genuinely seeking truth. Shrugging your shoulders and reverting back to tasks that are easy for you does not promote life. Instead, keep thinking, searching, or investigating until you find at least a possible answer. Instead of just saying “I don’t know,” say instead: “I don’t know yet.” I encourage the same persistence in my students.
Why do I have a positive/negative attitude about certain skin tones?
How did my attitude about skin tone develop throughout my life, particularly my childhood?
How has my attitude about skin tone manifested in my words and actions (or the absence of my words and actions)?
Why does my reflection on this issue matter?
How will understanding my attitude about skin color change things personally or communally?
Of course you’ll have to do the work of making your inquiry personal and specific to your experiences. I hope these questions are in fact only the beginning for you. I hope you take this investigation to a level that matters for your personal growth. I hope you share these questions and your responses with others whom you care about. I care about you, so this is my way of sharing.
Let me know if you have other questions about colorism that would be helpful to ask!
Sound familiar? That’s because parents and adults are known for teaching children how to survive in a potentially dangerous world. Parents know that if they don’t teach their children to look both ways before crossing the street, their children might very well die in the process of learning that lesson on their own. (An answer to the “I have to learn from my own mistakes” mentality.) Most parents know that if they don’t teach their child about sex, lots of other people will be all too happy to teach them.
Aside from basic survival skills, good parents know they also have to teach their children social skills and moral behavior. “No, Tiffany, it’s not okay to scratch your brother because you wanted to play with his toys.” We teach kids to play nice, to share, to clean up after themselves, to tell the truth, and to help old ladies across the street. I would include giving up your seat to the elderly, but parents obviously don’t teach that anymore.
Parents know that each child has a particular nature. Most parents know that it’s their responsibility to nurture.
My question: So why do parents neglect to teach their children how to value all skin colors (ethnicities, languages, etc.)?
Just as we have to nurture a spirit of giving and sharing in most kids, just as we have to nurture a spirit of hard work and responsibility in most kids, we also have to nurture a spirit of acceptance and appreciation, even love.
Below, I present 3 ideas on what might assist in nurturing such a spirit in our families, especially young children.
How can we foster in our children, a spirit of acceptance, appreciation, and even love for all shades of human skin?
1) Sort out your own attitude/feelings about colorism.
“I remember being really pissed off at my mother at first (“It’s my choice!”) Then a few weeks later, as I turned it over in my head, a bit embarrassed (“I wish I hadn’t said that”) then deeply ashamed (“I wish I didn’t think that”) and finally incredibly curious (“Why do I think that anyway?”)”
Know what you think, feel, and believe about skin color. Dig deep, because we all have that “I’m not a racist” ego we must deal with. Consciously, you might tell yourself “I’m colorblind,” but notice when you’re compelled to comment on how pretty a child is (or their hair or eyes). How does the child usually look?* Notice what you see every time you close your eyes and imagine your ideal mate, or your ideal children.
Before we can heal the world, we must begin to heal as individuals. You don’t have to be perfect to help others, but at least try to be aware of your imperfections and blind spots. I’m not saying everyone’s a closet racist, but if you resist self-reflection, maybe there’s something you’re afraid to face.
If you find that you had/have skin color bias, you can use yourself as a starting point in discussing skin color with your kids or other young people.
2) Talk candidly about colorism with your children.
They don’t need a lecture. It could be as simple as letting them hear you work through your own color biases. Like Coates, you may point out examples of when you expressed bias in the past and how you’ve changed/are changing. It could be as simple as looking at family photos with your kids and saying, “It’s wonderful that there are so many shades of skin in our family.”
Example: While watching a movie with his family, James notices some colorism at play.** Though the movie is supposedly “targeted” to African Americans, all the major female roles are played by actresses who have very fair skin. Some have light colored eyes and long wavy hair. A few dark skinned women make appearances in roles that are clearly less flattering. James is slightly uncomfortable but lets it go thinking that his kids are too young to be aware of such nuanced casting issues. Then James notices that his kids burst out in uncontrollable laughter at the ridiculously comic performance of a dark-skinned character. He cringes, but thinks, it was funny, and the director intended for people to laugh. Surely they would have laughed no matter what color the character was. The movie ends with the leading lady riding off into her happily ever after, validated as the fairest of them all (and she’s quite smart and witty too, and skinny).
Everyone seems to have enjoyed the movie, but James wonders how it influenced his kids’ thinking. He finally decides to say, “That was a fun movie. I wonder what would’ve happened if [funny character’s name] had switched places with [main character’s name].’”
James’ kids look at him funny and reply in utter disbelief:
“No way, dad. [funny character’s name] is too stupid and ugly.”
“Yeah [main character’s name] is so smart and like really, really pretty. OMG she’s so awesome.”
Even though “it’s just a movie” James sees that his kids don’t have the critical thinking skills to see it as “just a movie.” He takes this opportunity to help them develop some critical thinking skills, hoping they won’t internalize the latent message that light skin is good and dark skin is bad.
He says, “You know when actors and actresses play in movies, they can play any part. Right now I could pretend to be a stern judge,” and he makes a stern face and pretends to bang a gavel. “Or I can pretend to be a silly clown,” and he does a wobbly dance with a crazy face.
The kids laugh and join in the fun. One of them says, “I can pretend to be Spiderman!” and shoots pretend cobwebs from his upturned wrists.
James is excited that they’re getting it. Now he must relate this to skin color. “So just because someone plays an ugly or stupid character in a movie doesn’t mean they are stupid or ugly. [Funny character’s name] could play the role of the most beautiful princess, or the most successful doctor, or the smartest politician.”
James’ kids still look skeptical, so he keeps it real with them. “When I was your age I thought only light-skinned girls with long hair could be pretty and smart in movies and in real life. But I learned that wasn’t true. Now I see that all skin colors are beautiful. No matter what I see in movies or on TV I know they’re just acting, and [funny character’s name] is just as beautiful and smart in real life as anyone else, including [main character’s name].”
James’ kids take this in. They process it. He lets it go for now, but the seeds of critical thought, acceptance, and appreciation have been planted. He can continue to nurture them as they grow.
“Maybe it’s not a big deal to some, but for a woman who’s raising a daughter of color, it’s important to me!
I’m aware my daughter is Latina…yeah, she’s not black, but I don’t want her to grow up like I did. Not seeing positive images of people of color…including (but not limited to) people who look like her. If I look back to my childhood, the only positive image I can recall is the Cosby show…and that’s a shame. I still love that show, but even today…programing like that is hard to come by.
I buy black dolls for my daughter because I want her to understand the value of everyone, regardless of color. I buy black dolls because I know that the media is filled with negative images and it presents a challenge for our kids to grow up feeling good about dark skin. I buy black dolls because I want to change the norm.”
WOW!!! Go Sister.
Because colorism and racism are so prevalent, we don’t have to try hard at all to find positive exposure to lighter skin tones. So, survey the experiences your child typically has and see if they include enough positive exposure to darker skin tones. If not, I have suggestions for how to create positive exposure to darker skin tones. This is the practical, get it done today, type of thing. You probably know what I’m about to say. I suggest that you share the following things with your kids, depending on their ages, to nurture their acceptance of all skin tones, especially darker skin, since that exposure is more likely to be lacking or negative:
picture books with positive images of characters with dark skin
chapter books with well developed, dark-skinned characters
magazines with images of and articles by people with darker skin
festivals that expose them to the heritages of dark-skinned people
museum visits that teach them about the history of dark-skinned people
outings to locations known to draw diverse groups of people
quality time with family and friends of many skin tones, including darker ones
dolls with darker shades of skin
television shows featuring dark-skinned people in lead roles, or positive and substantial supporting roles
movies featuring dark-skinned people in lead roles, or positive and substantial supporting roles
I’m sure there’s more, but this is what I’ve come up with for now. Feel free to add suggestions in a comment.
NOTES:
*I think colorism is most acute in people’s reactions to babies and young children. Adults are more likely to comment on the relative prettiness or cuteness of children. When colorism is present, dark-skinned children usually aren’t lauded for their beauty, but as they get older, they may be recognized for having grown up to be beautiful women or handsome men.
**Two excellent examples of biased casting of the nature described in James’ story are the movies Coming to America and Guess Who. I remember watching these films, Coming to America as a young child and later Guess Who as a young adult, and feeling physically sick about the blatant colorism in their casting of female characters.
The most common explanation you’ll get from Americans about colorism roots and routes has to do with American slavery. During slavery in the Americas, blacks and whites bore children of mixed ancestry, but according to the law, any trace of black ancestry meant you were black (one drop rule), and children took the status of their mother, which was slave in many cases.
As a result, the spectrum of skin tones among slaves and others who were legally black, grew wider. Slave owners often granted more privileges to the lighter skinned slaves, saw them as smarter and more capable because of their white ancestry, allowed them some form of education or training, and occasionally granted them their freedom.
Even after slavery ended, similar advantages were given to blacks whose appearance was closer to white, such as first consideration for certain schools and jobs.
The preferential treatment served to create division among blacks. Simultaneously there was resentment for this preferential treatment and the desire to acquire and take advantage of it.
Some might think that explaining the origins of colorism in the Americas is as simple as pointing to slavery. But it’s deeper than that. Colorism is the result of white supremacist ideology, which is ancient compared to slavery in the Americas.
Social hierarchies based on nationality, religion, class, gender, education, race, and color have existed for millenniums. I want to attempt a less conventional (though not unheard of) approach to colorism roots and routes.
Roots in Biblical & Religious Texts
One story that’s historically been used to justify racism, colorism, and slavery is the so called “curse of Ham.” That’s the story of Noah’s youngest son, Ham, who saw his father naked, then told his brothers. Noah was angry and cursed his son Ham, who the scriptures say is the father of Canaan. Noah’s curse said that Canaan would be the slaves of Ham’s brothers (Gen 9:20-27).
So where would color come in to play for those who use this story as the basis for practicing racism?
It’s a stretch, but here’s the “logic”:
Since Ham is the father of Cush (Gen 10:6), and Cush is sometimes used synonymously with the regions of Nubia, Ethiopia, Egypt, and Sudan; then Ham and his decedents must be associated with dark skin. If Ham is associated with dark skin, and he’s the one who committed the disgraceful (some say sinful) act against his father, then dark skin must also be associated with disgrace and sin. Even though it was Canaan, not Cush, that Noah said would be enslaved, slavery was still somehow associated with black skin.
Then there’s a later reference in the bible to skin color that further connects Cush to skin color: “Can the Ethiopian (Hebrew Cushite) change his skin or the leopard his spots? Neither can you do good who are accustomed to doing evil” (Jer 13:23).
This interpretation of Ham’s story shows how human pathology causes people to defy logic in order to believe in their own superiority and to justify their oppression of other peoples.
An additional trope from the bible that people point to as one source of how people view skin color is the distinction between darkness being bad or evil, and light or white being good, pure, clean, and holy. (I trust that you can do your own search on this if you’re curious.) While the majority of these references don’t specifically refer to skin color, the distinctions between black/dark and white/light is a symbol in many cultures that has been generally applied to many subjects.
But it’s not just the Judeo-Christian bible that carries such symbolism.
History of Colorism in Indian, Greek, and Roman Texts
In this amazing documentary titled “Shadeism,” by a young woman who’s family is from Sri Lanka, she explains how colorism existed in regions like India even before colonialism . . . long before.
In the ancient Indian scripture of the Ramayana, there’s a scene that depicts a fight between a noble, fair-skinned king from the north, and an evil dark-skinned king from the south. According to an explanation of the Ramayana published through UCLA, this tale may date back as far as 1500 BCE.
[Isaac] considers the literature from classical Greece to late antiquity in a quest for the various forms of the discriminatory stereotypes and social hatred that have played such an important role in recent history and continue to do so in modern society.
Isaac’s book is said to disprove the belief that ancient Greeks and Romans only held ethnic/cultural prejudice but not racial prejudice.
Colorism’s Historical Roots and Routes Around the Globe:
History of Colorism: Colonialism & Pigmentocracy
Whether or not colorism was present in cultures before colonialism, there’s little argument against the fact that it became ubiquitous as a result of colonialism.
Pigmentocracy describes a social structure in which status, class, education, occupation, etc is determined by skin color. It’s existed in various forms all over the globe, and some pigmentocracies throughout history have been more operational and institutionalized than others. Pigmentocracy involves all races, unlike the common notion of colorism, which is that it functions among the people of one race.
The United States is an example of one of the pigmentocracies that have existed around the globe. While not precisely broken down by exact skin tone, it’s generally true that this country has granted the highest status and opportunity to those of the lightest skin, and denied that status and opportunity to those with the darkest skin, with varying degrees in between.
To trace the routes of Europeans around the globe during colonialism, is to literally trace the roots of colorism. The spread of colorism is a direct result of the spread of white supremacist ideology.
In thinking about those ancient texts like the Ramayana and the Bible, I wonder how humans began to equate light with good and dark with bad.
Was it as quotidian as one random person who had a strange thought and then went and shared his ideas with friends and neighbors? Or was it as strategic as some ancient government plotting to brainwash the masses so that they could gain power through some arbitrary characteristic?
Why didn’t the tides of history end up spreading black, brown, yellow, or red supremacy? Not that any of those would be right.
Do we have to rehash every detail about the roots of colorism every time we have a conversation about it?
Maybe we should explain the historical roots to those who claim to have never heard of colorism.
But for the converted, for those of us who generally understand the who, what, why, when, and how of colorism’s roots and routes, can we finally begin to have productive conversations about the present and future?
I guess my biggest question is: Where do we go from here?
For this chat, I interviewed my mother. This was eye opening for me because in our face-to-face conversation I learned about details of my childhood that I have no memory of. I hope you enjoy a new voice in this conversation.
Do you consider your self dark-skinned, light-skinned, or neither?
Honestly, I still don’t consider myself a light-skinned African American. I may be a light brown but certainly not light-skinned. I attribute that to where I grew up. There you had a large population of really light-skinned African Americans that sometimes looked more white than black. We called them mulattoes.
What moments in your youth made you most aware of colorism?
I heard on a daily basis comments like, “Girl I don’t like that old black boy” or “That’s why yo momma so black.” It was everywhere. You were aware but just didn’t make a big deal about it. You kept it in, but you thought about it. Lighter skinned girls and guys were always considered cuter and many times smarter. The key is I knew many of them weren’t smarter than I was, so I asked myself how come they get to be selected for this or that.
What do you think were some of the reasons you didn’t make a big deal about it or kept it in even when you were thinking about it?
Because those instances were in my youth, and it was such a part of living that I didn’t think about trying to do something about it back then. Who would you speak out to?
Was there ever a moment in your life that you participated in or agreed with or supported this type of bias? Why or why not?
No, because I knew it wasn’t right. I had dark-skinned people in my family, and I didn’t feel it was a reason to criticize somebody. I never heard my mother speak in those terms with anyone or about anyone. None of my family really spoke that way. I never wished I had lighter skin or that I was white. Part of my youth I did rebel against people thinking that black is ugly because of the generation I grew up in, being a teenager in the 70’s with “black is beautiful” and afros. Perhaps I grew more comfortable as I matured into my teens. Perhaps I wasn’t as empowered as a younger person.
Have you ever dealt with colorism in the process of raising your children? If so, what kinds of situations arose and how did you handle them?
Yes. You see, I have two dark-skinned children and one lighter skinned child. Fortunately for me, they loved each other so much that I never had to deal with this issue in the relationship between them, but definitely from outside. I was asked several times if these were my kids. I would pridefully say, “Yes, indeed these are my babies,” and I would pull them close to me. I knew what people were thinking.
Each of my dark-skinned children had incidents at school where they were called black or charcoaled. My daughter was being called black and charcoaled every day by an African American male child. I thought it was important to let his parents know what he was doing and perhaps make them aware of the need to correct his thinking about his own race. I took my little girl to his house and spoke to the parents. Surprisingly, the mother was very receptive and handled it well. I think that day was an experience all of us will never forget. I know my daughter won’t.
I would constantly let my children know how beautiful they were, and that I wasn’t just saying that to make them feel better. It was true no matter what anyone says, and it was. Especially in the case of my daughter, I recognized and acknowledged her pain. We talked about it; we called it out when we saw it; we didn’t act like it wasn’t happening.
In what ways did your children respond to those situations? How did you observe them grappling with the issue? Did their responses change over time?
It didn’t come up with my male child as much. I don’t think he was as conscious or as affected. I don’t think it crippled them socially or hindered their will to succeed. They definitely didn’t live miserable lives because of it. Sometimes facial expressions when people would make comments let me know that they knew. I also just knew that it exists. They also weren’t afraid to talk about it. My daughter verbalized it.
My daughter was five and had already figured out that people said her sister would be able to attract boys easily because she was lighter skinned. At age five she identified her sister’s lighter skin as the reason they were saying that. I didn’t say to her, “Oh, get over it.” I carried that comment in my mind and did what I could so that she could conquer the world.
Why do you think your daughter was aware of this at such a young age?
Some children have a keener sense. Part of it is that I was a culturally aware mom. I didn’t hide that there are prejudices in the world, so that might have brought it to the forefront. Some people are more conscious and think a lot anyway. She was the kind of girl that always had to know why, and she felt free to ask why and that she had the right to let it be known. I can imagine kids whose parents ignore the problem, and the kids who don’t feel that freedom to express themselves.
To the best of your memory, was that incident when your daughter was five the first time you witnessed colorism in her life, or was it just the first time you witnessed her awareness of it?
It goes back for me when they had to stand up in kindergarten for head counts, and two African American girls stood up to be counted as white. I felt sad about that, that no one told those girls that they were black. Even the teacher, who was white, was embarrassed and not sure how to tell them to sit down. That showed a colorism to me, and it stuck with me. Also when they were younger, again, people often asked if they were mine.
Do you recall times when your light-skinned daughter also showed an awareness of skin color or colorism? If so, how early did you observe her awareness?
She wanted to tan at a young age, maybe since middle school. She was aware because, as with me, people always questioned and made a big deal about her siblings being dark. I will say that I don’t think she ever used her skin color to gain privileges or extra attention.
Did you ever deal with colorism in terms of raising your light-skinned daughter, interventions, conversations, etc.?
No. She was always there in our conversations as a family, so she knew how I felt about culture and equality. We talked about how crazy and bothersome it is to always have to explain that these are her siblings.
Where do you think colorism comes from, particularly for African Americans?
For African Americans colorism definitely came from a combination of things. The separation of dark-skinned and light-skinned slaves, the overall portrayal of dark-skinned people as negative in the early movies. We learned way back that the closer to white you were the better chance you had to succeed. [Perhaps we should add that chances for success were better because of racism, not because of inherent or biological superiority.] We learned that the closer to white you were the prettier you were considered to be. It was everywhere.
What sort of remedies can you suggest for this issue of colorism either collectively of individually?
Talk about it. Don’t act like it doesn’t exist and hasn’t existed for a long, long time. Support magazines and television shows that make an effort to show that there is beauty in all skin tones and are not afraid to showcase dark-skinned women and showcase them in a positive way. Be sensitive to how it impacts our girls at early ages. Every chance I get I purpose to tell a dark-skinned little girl how beautiful she is. I do it because it is true.
Here, I’m not going to focus on the commonly analyzed role media has on colorism. Usually we report on the dearth of dark skinned women in movies and television. We might report on how dark skinned actresses are more often cast in the antagonistic/comedic/sidekick roles. People have even commented on the airbrushing of women’s skin to make them lighter in magazines.
The focus of this post is more meta, in the sense that I’m talking about the act of talking about colorism. Therefore, what I’ll give you in this post are thoughts on the media coverage of colorism as a topic or storyline in media.
The issue of colorism literally gets little air time relative to other issues. I think the focus on colorism gets less air time because “mainstream” individuals and entities still control much of the media, and they primarily target so called “mainstream” audiences. Because we’re talking about color, “mainstream” means white in this context. Whites don’t deal with colorism amongst their own race the way people of color do, so the topic doesn’t show up in the media they produce. That, of course, doesn’t mean colorism can’t be addressed in such media.
Maybe I just don’t watch enough television, but I’ve yet to see a show that overtly includes the issue of colorism in the storyline. A few movie makers have done a better job of including the issue in their storylines, or at least in a short line of dialogue. Spike Lee’sSchool Daze probably reigns as the most infamous of such films, with its sorority scene, but what have we produced recently?
A more contemporary film, Dark Girls, epitomizes talking about colorism, not just showcasing it in action. The documentary genre lends itself to talking about issues. Dark Girls doesn’t premier until October, but we already see it affecting people in profound ways. More and more people mention it on blogs and social networking sites, and many women have come out and shared their personal stories in writing and video.
Joy Daily has also made colorism the topic of discussion in a YouTube series she titled Complexion Obsession. Her slant is toward hip hop videos, and the comments of the rappers and video models are revealing.
I advocate for making colorism the topic of discussion rather than an incidental consideration in discussions on other topics. It’s not enough just to know that colorism exists or to point out instances of colorism, though we can stand to do more of that too. We need to realize the adverse effects of colorism and harness power against it. That requires a directanalysis of the issue, not an incidental observation after which we merely shrug our shoulders.
The media is not solely responsible for such discussions, but since the media plays such a huge role in perpetuating, propagating, and even cultivating colorism, we will have to use media as part of the solution. Yes, we need more dark skinned actresses and actors cast in desirable roles, but we also need more storylines that express the emotional aspect of colorism. It’s not enough to show dark skinned girls and light skinned girls battling. We need to show these same girls making strides in dealing with the heart of the matter, growing to understand and love each other and love themselves, and ultimately empowering themselves against the racist influences that led them to battle in the first place. Developing such a story arc requires that colorism take center stage every once in a while.
As I hope to do with this site, we also need to talk about colorism. However, we need to do more than just ask if Beyonce’s skin was lightened in an ad. We need to ask and answer: What books, movies, songs, museums, affirmations, websites, games, or honest discussions can I share with my child starting before the age of five and continuing on to help her or him have a healthy perspective on skin color? All of these are forms of media that we can wield against colorism. Which of them do you already hold in your hand?
Who Does Colorism Affect? The trouble with insider/outsider positioning is that it blinds us to the real answer.
If we can only know our very own experiences, then we can know very little.
Any thing that happened before June 6, 1985, I had no experience with. If I have to directly experience something to know it, then I know nothing about almost everything: the Vietnam War, Marcus Garvey, Apartheid, the Holocaust, President Roosevelt, the American Civil War, American slavery, the French Revolution, Egyptian pharos, or Chinese emperors, etc.
Crimes would never be punished. Judges would have to be robbed, murdered, raped, have their property vandalized or set on fire in order for them to believe any victims or witnesses of such crimes.
Saying, “I don’t think colorism or racism exist because I personally have never experienced it, so it can’t possibly exist,” is like saying, “I’ve never been to New Zealand, so I don’t think it exists,” or, “I’ve never been healed from a medical procedure, so I don’t think hospitals are necessary, since they’ve never worked for me personally.”
You can see that experiential knowledge is only a part of our total knowledge.
Avoiding knowledge of a situation is a way to avoid responsibility.
Imagine if white Freedom Riders had said, “Oh, no. We can’t get involved with that because we don’t know anything about being black, and therefore we know nothing about racism.”
Imagine if someone asked me to donate to prostate cancer research and I said, “Oh, no. I can’t get involved or learn more about this because I’ve never had prostate cancer. It’s just not relevant to me.”
Imagine if Brad Pitt had said, “I don’t live in New Orleans and I wasn’t there during Katrina, so why should I get involved with building more homes?”
Imagine if Oprah had said, “I don’t have any sons, I’m not a man, and I’ve never gone to Morehouse, so why should I give over 400 black, male students scholarships to attend?”
Many youth have committed suicide as a result of bullying. Are the bullies outside of the situation, or do they have a critical role in shaping the situation? Do we only address the targets of bullying, or do we also need to address the bullies themselves?
If an employer refuses to hire me because of my sexual orientation, are his actions separate and outside of my experience?
If I step on your foot, are you wrong to say, “Excuse me Sarah, even though you don’t feel my pain, you play an integral role in stopping the pain. It would help a lot if you remove your foot.”?
Bottom Line
Different doesn’t have to equate with inside/outside, part of/not part of, better than/worse than, more than/less than. It’s that very thinking that breeds racism in the first place. You might experience the situation differently from me, but you’re still part of the situation.
A good example of someone who I think understands this is Tim Wise. He’s a white man who speaks, from his perspective, on racism. Though his vantage point is different, his efforts can help alleviate the consequences of racism for everyone.
I hope we can look at the situation of colorism and determine our vantage point, rather than being cynical and insensitive.
Blacks have their share of blemishes, but colorism resulted from the actions of colonial powers, white slave owners, and slave traders, then it was propagated and perpetuated through white owned media.
I hope black people can see that even though we need to heal our own community, we also need to hold non-blacks accountable for creating/maintaining situations where blacks internalize racism as a method of survival (i.e. passing for white to get a job). We can’t improve or eliminate these situations without bringing multiple vantage points to the discussion.
I hope blacks can understand that we’re all affected by it in some way.
There are some misconceptions about who is affected by colorism. Some people think it’s just a dark girl’s problem and that everyone else has no place in the discussion.
There’s strong opposition to letting so-called “outsiders” handle situations that they have “no experience” with. I believe the insider/outsider dichotomy is a slippery slope because it impedes social unity and social responsibility.
In the case of colorism in the United States, the outsiders are usually white people, and the insiders are usually black people. Similar situations might exist in other places with different groups of people.
Among black Americans, a different insider/outsider distinction exists. People assume colorism is unidirectional, only relevant to dark-skinned blacks. I compare this thinking to the notion that racism is only a problem for people of color to deal with.
Racism and products of racism such as colorism are social problems. Period. Not just a dark-skinned girls problem, or a black problem.
Where Might the Insider/Outsider Mentality Come From?
The fact that individuals experience a given situation like racism, doesn’t mean they have the same experience, same interpretation, same perspective, or same vantage point of the situation. (See the movie Vantage Point.)
In fact, some vantage points may be so distant, or so far on the periphery, that it leads some to believe the situation doesn’t exist at all. They just can’t see it from where they are. Unfortunately, some still are not convinced even if others close to the situation try to give an account. But anyway…
This relative closeness to a situation and the varied experiences that result is probably where the insider/outsider mentality stems from, and I completely understand that. Especially when our inability to see from another’s vantage point often leads to cynicism and insensitivity.
I believe people cling to the insider/outsider mentality because of the insensitivity or callousness with which others handle discussions about situations they were too far away from to actually see themselves.
I mean “close” and “far away” both physically and psychically. For example, northerners were physically far away from the Jim Crow South, which affected how they experienced Jim Crow, but even if they went to the South (got close), their experiences might’ve kept them psychically distant from the situation (far away).
I’ve noticed that the inside/outside dichotomy is maintained by both the perceived insiders and outsiders.
People close to a situation don’t want to discuss it with those farther away because of the insensitivity mentioned above. At the same time, those farther from the situation avoid discussing it all together because their lack of knowledge and their distant experience makes them uncomfortable, or unsure [of] themselves in the context of such a discussion.
One example of the latter, which a lighter skinned black girl actually told me, is, “I’m not dark-skinned, so I don’t know if it’s hard on dark-skinned people.”
Before children recognize themselves in mirrors, they recognize themselves through their mother’s eyes.
My heart breaks when I hear stories of mothers consciously or unconsciously conditioning their children to adopt the attitudes of colorism, to adore light skin and despise darker skin, adore light eyes and think little of dark eyes, adore straight hair and hate kinky hair.
Previews of Dark Girls the movie, the responses to it, and life observations reveal that too many mothers are complicit in their children’s pain. The relationship between mothers and colorism is clear. Several women describe their most potent experiences with colorism as experiences when their mothers failed to validate their beauty. As adults, hopefully we learn to validate ourselves. Young children, however, must be shown how.
My mother is light skinned. She won’t admit this, always claiming that she never saw herself as such and always identified with darker skinned people. She does acknowledge, though, that she is lighter than my brother and me.
My mother tells me how she has always loved going out in public with us and telling people “these are my kids.” We talk about how people rarely assume this fact due to the skin color difference, and she always makes a point to directly state it.
My mother is different from the women who are only proud to show off their children if their children are fair skinned or have a certain hair texture.
My mother intentionally combated the outside influences and negative messages about dark skin. She was not only aware of colorism, she had the courage to attack it head on. Just knowing that she in some way understood the struggle of a dark skinned child helped me endure the struggle. Knowing that no matter what happened with everyone else I could always go home and feel accepted and loved, probably saved me from the extremes of pain that other girls have gone through.
So don’t trip if your dark skinned friend, cousin, sister, or coworker agonizes over skin color and the biases people hold toward certain skin tones. Don’t be perplexed about why she doesn’t “just get over it, and just love herself.”
Instead, ask her about her relationship with her mother. Ask her how many times she heard her mother tell light skinned cousins how pretty they were, without acknowledging the very daughter that waited in her shadow. Ask her how many times her mother told her to stay out of the sun. Ask her how many times her mother discouraged her from wearing bright colors. Don’t judge her, she’s had enough of that. Just hear her story.
If you are a mother, do an honest self-evaluation. Do you make comments around your children that might instill colorism in them? How often do you tell your children they are beautiful? How often do you compliment their dark skin tones? Do you act like colorism doesn’t exist? Do you try to explain away instances of colorism instead of acknowledging them? Have you dealt with your own color complex so that your children can have healthy self-esteem and appreciation for others regardless of skin color?
When it comes to colorism healing, parents make a huge difference in the lives of young people. By choosing different parenting choices, we can erode the generational cycle of colorism in our communities.
Deep breath. I’ve procrastinated on this one while I cultivate the courage to write it. Yes, I want to talk about colorism. As I type this around 11:11 pm, I’m sending my mom the following text message:
“It helps to talk about it. I’ve kept a lot of pain to myself throughout my life and that silence hasn’t helped the pain go away. Talking about it validates [my experience and] validates how I feel.”
I know what you might be thinking. I shouldn’t be seeking “external” validation, right? That’s easy to say at the intellectual level, when we’re removing ourselves from the situation. However, when dealing with chronic pain rooted in childhood memories, when in the midst of a deeply hurtful condition, it’s nice to know we’re not crazy, not making things up, not projecting, not being “too sensitive,” not imagining things. We’re human. We need connection with other humans. That requires a level of human empathy. We don’t have to achieve this with everyone, but at various points in our lives we need it.
Honestly, if you’ve ever brushed your teeth, combed your hair, ironed your clothes, made sure your outfit matched, applied for a job, held down a job, earned money, spent money, agreed that the sky is blue and the grass is green, opened your mouth to communicate, raised your hand in a classroom or audience, felt offended, held a door open for someone, had a boyfriend or girlfriend, or used a telephone, you were using/seeking/giving external validation. Validation is such an indispensable part of our existence that it’s an unconscious operation, which is why some of us are delusional/self-righteous enough to think we’re above it.
The key is understanding that we don’t need validation for everything or from everyone. We need balance.
Back to the text message I sent, the act of communicating is also a sign of selfvalidation. We often remain silent because we’re unsure [of] ourselves. Either way, we need validation from ourselves and sometimes from others, and we need to break the silence.
People often have the attitude that “If you love yourself, you wouldn’t make it an issue.” I didn’t want to be perceived as not loving myself, so I kept quiet.
People often use cliché affirmations as a way of dismissing the issue, such as “You have to know you’re beautiful no matter what anyone else thinks.”
These attitudes are an acceptance of the status quo. They are not used to ease painful realities, they’re used to avoid them all together.
So why will I talk about colorism now? I’m writing this because:
1) I’m tired of being afraid to shout, “Ouch! That hurts.”
Humans are hardwired to feel pain. Pain is either a sign that something is wrong or that something is growing and stretching. Anyone who denies their pain denies their humanity and will probably stay in pain. Let’s not remain in pain.
2) We need to “call people on their stuff.”
Iyanla Vanzant insisted on this at the Essence Music Festival. So I’m calling the black community out on its colorism. It’s not every individual, but it’s way too many. Whether we show colorism intentionally or not, consciously or not, we need to stop sooner than later.
3) Some young person might need a framework and context for their experience other than, “You’re wrong to even feel that way.”
I’m not saying my framework is the only framework that works, but it’s more than I had growing up. I had to seek and construct one for myself, piecing together ancient ancestor wisdom. I just want to offer what took me too long to find, so that some child can have peace and joy sooner than I did. Perhaps they won’t ever have to lose the peace and joy in the first place.
4) More than just dark-skinned people can benefit from this type of discussion.
Pain knows no color, empowerment is contagious, and courage can improve anyone’s life. When light-skinned people better understand colorism, they can better understand the dynamics of their everyday interactions. We talk about white privilege, but there’s also light skin privilege. I also know that some black girls take out their anger on other black girls. As Angela Davis says in her autobiography: “It hurt to see us folding in on ourselves, using ourselves as whipping posts because we did not yet know how to struggle against the real cause of our misery.” (This quote inspired one of my best poems.)
5) Colorism is more than who’s pretty and who’s not.
Colorism also judges the overall value of an individual to the point that dark-skinned people are perceived as “bad,” less intelligent, less talented, less professional, more dangerous, etc. (Read Queen Sheba’s story.) Thus the consequences are more severe than they appear on the surface. Researchers have done several studies on the tangible effects of colorism, such as colorism in the “justice” system. It amounts to more than just hurt feelings, although feelings are valid enough.
So, let’s speak up. Let’s talk about it. What do you have to say?
Two girls of different skin tones, growing up together as sisters born of the same mother AND father. Sisters and colorism collide, creating a unique relationship. This is a glimpse into the mind of the lighter skinned sister as she reflects on colorism.
Describe your home/family and work life.
I have been married for five years and am expecting my first child in March of next year. I am the middle child of three children and grew up in Baton Rouge, LA with my mother. My parents were divorced when I was 11. I currently practice school social work at a high school in southern Louisiana. I am a social worker by profession and a doctoral candidate in the School of Social Work at LSU. I maintain a very busy and active lifestyle between work, LSU, and family. In addition, I assist with the youth group at my church planning activities and teaching bible classes.
Tell us about your earliest memories recognizing or dealing with skin color and colorism.
I remember a time when my sister was being chased and taunted by a group of white girls at our daycare center, when I was about 8 years old. My older brother and I stopped them through physical restraint. When the day care workers took stock of the incident, they concluded that the version of the story that my brother, sister, and I told could not have been true since there were no “MARKS” on our skin like those on the skin of the white girls. Obviously, the darker our skin the less likely MARKS will show up.
At the same daycare, one of my sister’s Hispanic friends really frustrated me. I was 8 years old and had to teach a cultural competence lesson to this girl all the time because she didn’t understand that I could be the “real” sister of my darker skinned siblings. She kept asking “Why are you white and your sister and brother are black?” Granted the girl was in kindergarten, and I’ve been asked similar questions by adults both black and white, but mainly by other BLACK folks.
“Do you and your brother and sister have the same mom and dad?” “You must be mixed right?” “Man your brother is black.” My response to this particularly ignorant comment was always “So are you and I.” On and on, the annoying questions/comments went.
How do you view yourself in terms of skin color now?
My skin color is just a product of my birth. I don’t see myself as any better or worse because of the color that I am. I still grimace when people make comparisons about my sister and brother’s color, as if the shades of black are limited, or that it’s impossible for a great array to exist within one family. I am awesome because I’m me, which includes my skin color, but it’s not BECAUSE of my skin color.
How, if at all, has colorism played a role in your life up to this point?
I have seen elements of bias towards me as discussed above when compared to my sister and brother at daycare or among friends. I have come to be embarrassed at times because of my lighter skin color. What I mean by this is the snobby attitude of some lighter skinned women/girls makes people believe that snobby attitudes are common among lighter skinned women/girls. I am not that way. I am still very angered when someone attempts to tell me that I might be mixed or that I have to have different parents than my darker brother and sister. So I have had many points of frustration from colorism in my life!
As you prepare to be a new mother, do you have thoughts about raising a child with a healthy attitude about skin color?
I will be adamant about my child knowing the difference between ethnicity and skin color. There are very few people whose skin is actually the color BLACK. I will be sure that my child never says “Oh mom, look at him; he’s BLACK” to refer to a dark skinned person. My child will know that he/she is a Black person, and that different shades of BLACK should not define how we treat each other. Perhaps if we teach kids to value the black ethnicity and stop putting value on looks, our ethnic group/race would be in a different position in this country.
On a personal level, what may cause an individual to be biased against dark skin or light skin?
I think a level of insecurity is present when someone demeans another for any reason. This is also the case with skin color. When insecure about our own beauty, we try to cut down the beauty of others because of their skin color.
If someone has a negative image of others because of their skin color, what can they do to change that?
Biases usually stem from ignorance, so knowing others with a particular skin color BETTER can help to ease some of the negative images.
If someone has a negative image of themselves because of their skin color, what can they do to change that?
Examining your own self-worth is often a life long process because people often go through significant changes and stages. Acceptance and appreciation of your own qualities is a start. Rather than spending time on the negative images, one should spend energy using their individual qualities to make a difference in his immediate circumstances/ community.
I’ve addressed colorism in my fiction, but with the growing anticipation of the Bill Duke documentary Dark Girls, I feel it’s safe to speak more directly about the issue.
Surprise! I’m dark-skinned.
Being so, I’m often apprehensive about speaking candidly of colorism for the following reasons:
Complexion is complex, and I’m not sure how to begin.
I didn’t want people to dismiss me as merely hating on light-skinned girls.
People often have the attitude that “If you love yourself, you wouldn’t make it an issue.”
Since I didn’t want anyone to perceive me as “not loving myself,” I kept silent. My mistake.
People often deny me the opportunity to discuss the issue by changing the subject with a dismissal disguised as affirmation: “Girl, you’re beautiful, and you have to believe it no matter what others think.”
Sorry, but it’s literally not that black & white. “What others think” has real world consequences.
You’re viewed as weak if you acknowledge you’ve been hurt. With that comes the “You’re just being too sensitive” argument.
It’s time we encourage everyone to express their pain in constructive ways within a supportive community.
Maybe we hate pain so much that we avoid the expression of it from others.
What we can avoid are cynical messages that directly or indirectly say: Suck it up. Don’t come crying to me about your problems. It’s probably you and not them. What are you doing to cause others to mistreat you (blaming the victim). Awww! You got your feelings hurt? Well shame on you for being so weak. Boo hoo hoo. Wah wah wah.
Perhaps I would’ve shared my story sooner if I’d felt someone would’ve actually listened.
But like I said, complexion is complex, so I’ll be delving into it one post at a time. If you prefer to stay away from “sensitive topics,” these posts may make you uncomfortable. Just think of it as that discomfort you feel when stretching your muscles.
