Are You Doing Enough to Help Your Child Deal with Colorism?

black girl with plaits via blue skyz media on flickr; help your children deal with colorism

“I always tell my daughter she’s beautiful,” said one father in response to our discussion about colorism. He, like many parents, believed that she was too young for any discussion beyond that. Like many parents, he thought that this vague show of affection was enough to ward off the world’s animosity toward dark skin and Afrocentric features. Yet despite his regular proclamations of his daughter’s beauty, she herself actually saw very little beauty or worth in dark skin. I could see it, but he was clearly in denial. If you really want to help your child deal with colorism, it’s time to stop relying on the easy excuses.

Why merely telling her she’s beautiful isn’t enough

The typical human mind processes negative feedback more deeply than positive feedback. It’s said that for every instance of negative feedback, it takes 5 to 6 instances of positive feedback to balance the negative. I first heard this in an intro to psych class in undergrad, and I’ve never forgotten it.

There’s a lot of negative messages about dark skin and Afrocentric features floating around our communities, institutions, media, family, and other places that our children frequent. Research shows that even if we told our children that they are beautiful every day of their lives, it probably won’t be enough to balance out all of the negativity that says otherwise.

Then there’s also the idea that a parent’s love is blind, that parents believe their children are beautiful because they’re theirs. For some children, the fact that you’re their parent may limit the effectiveness of you telling them they’re beautiful.

Finally, telling your child that she is beautiful doesn’t necessarily communicate to her that you think dark skin and Afrocentric features are beautiful in general. Remember that eradicating colorism is about more than individual self-esteem—it’s also about being able to see beauty in all its shades and forms. So even if telling your daughter that she’s beautiful causes her to really believe that she is, that doesn’t automatically mean that she’ll be able to appreaciate dark-skinned beauty in others. I’ve met a lot of dark-skinned girls over the years who see themselves as beautiful, yet believe that they are an exception and that light-skin is generally more beautiful.

Why you can’t wait for her to be the “right” age

Studies show that children can recognize differences in skin color, hair, and other features as early as six months old, and that by age four, many children have already begun assigning positive and negative traits to those differences.

My own mother often tells the story about how I was able to verbalize my awareness of colorism at the age of five. At age six I had already been called a “black n****r,” and was told by a playmate: “I like your sister better than you because she’s white and you’re black.” At age nine, a girl in my dance class said, “Eeww! You’re so black!” And those were only the blatantly stated messages of hatred for dark skin. Consistently throughout the years there were countless other messages about skin color, hair, and other features.

Many parents make the mistake of waiting until their child is old enough to have intellectual conversations, possibly even as late as adulthood. But the evidence points to the need for parents to intervene as early as possible before attitudes solidify and are thus harder to change.

As far as not saying or doing anything, just remember that ignoring an issue is the same as condoning it. Imagine what message you’re sending to your child when they can clearly see discrimination, but for some reason they’re parents act like everything is normal.

What it really takes to help your child deal with colorism

Courage. It takes a tremendous amount of courage to talk to our children about any tough issue, whether it’s drugs, sex, death, or racism. But the tougher the issue, the more they need our guidance as parents. Better they learn from us than from the media, or peers, or other sketchy sources.

It also takes honest and direct conversation. We must be honest about the fact that colorism and racism do exist and that they cause a lot of pain. We must not skirt around the issue or make our children think it’s such a taboo topic that they can’t talk to us about it. In order to let our children know that they can come to us, we must first go to them.

Finally, it requires proactive effort.

We must be careful with our comments about the attractiveness of others, including ourselves. If you always tell your dark-skinned daughter she’s beautiful, yet she never witnesses you acknowledge the beauty of other dark-skinned girls and women, what message are you really sending?

We must be mindful of how we treat others. Even without words, children can recognize preferential or unfair treatment, and they will recognize whether there’s a pattern based on skin color or hair texture.

We must also be mindful of who and what our children are exposed to. Limit their interaction with people you know are color-struck. Expose them to a wide diversity of skin tones, races, features, languages, etc. Limit their viewing of general media, and increase their viewing of racially diverse media, especially media that affirms the beauty of darker people.

In the end, you’re not doing any more or less than you would normally be doing as a good parent. For example, you’re probably already buying books for your daughter. Now just consider the kind of books you buy.

What do you do to help your child deal with colorism?

October 7, 2013March 18, 2024

3 Simple Ways to Deal with Colorism on Television

black and white retro television (colorism in television)

Whether it’s TV shows, movies, commercials, or music videos, I’m sure you’re no stranger to colorism on television, but here I give you some insanely simple tips for dealing with it as families or just for your own sanity!

Whether you try all of these tips or just one, even a small change in your habits can make a difference in how you or your family is impacted by colorism on television.

Watch less.

Beyond the usual reasons people give you for watching less TV, cutting back on tube time can help you combat colorism in two ways:

by reducing your exposure to the media’s obsession with fair skin
by freeing up your time for activities that boost self-awareness and self-esteem.

Try to designate certain times for TV watching, and turn off the TV during other times.

Be selective.

Diversity is of utmost importance, but because of racism and colorism, we must be proactive about reinforcing positive images of people with dark skin and non-European features. Watch programming that consistently does this.

If it’s a sitcom or TV show, select one that not only casts dark skinned talent, but that portrays the characters as dynamic and fully developed, not as stereotypes and caricatures. The Mindy Project, for example, features a dark skinned female doctor of Indian decent. Look especially for shows that feature dark skinned girls of various ages rather than just dark skinned adults. Examples are The Bernie Mac Show and Everybody Hates Chris.

Also look for documentaries, special features, or award shows such as the Image Awards, Black Girls Rock!, and the Latin Music Awards that typically feature positive images of people of color.

Have conversations.

This is the most important strategy for dealing with colorism in the media, especially with children. TV provides lots of teaching moments and lots of conversation starters. Having direct and open discussions about race and colorism on television allows you to:

understand the perspectives of others
(re)frame what you see on television
reinforce affirmations of dark skin
contextualize/counter defamation of dark skin
create a safe space for others to speak their minds
be a role model

Here are few questions that might initiate dialogue:

What do you think about the lack of dark skinned characters on this TV show?
Do you think it’s accurate/fair to portray all the dark skinned characters as [insert stereotype here] in this movie?
Do you think this TV network portrays enough diversity in skin color?

These conversations may be awkward, and it may be difficult to get others to engage. Just remember that silence is acceptance.

Do you have any other tips?

October 1, 2013March 18, 2024

8 Tips for Dealing with Colorism in Families

colorism in families a fair skinned girl and dark skinned boy

Sibling rivalries. Estranged parents. Favoritism. Neglect. Abuse. Family should be the place where everyone can experience unconditional love and acceptance. Unfortunately, a lot of folks feel anything but that. Trouble at home can arise for many reasons—one of them is the existence of colorism in families. As Elizabeth Hordge-Freeman (2013) says, “In families, love is present, but … what love looks like may depend, in part, on what you look like” (p. 14). While many families of color around the world think it’s common place to hear casual comments or jokes about skin color, hair, or other features, there are far too many instances where colorism goes beyond mere words and results in outright neglect or abuse.

A lot of anti-colorism advocates focus on external pressures in the media as the primary source of colorism and low self-esteem. But many people tell a different story about how their own mothers, fathers, and other family members were the first to make them feel insecure about their skin color, hair, or facial features. Before a child is influenced by the media, they simply feel the love or lack of love and affection from their family. Research suggests that, “racialized dynamics within [families] can compromise subjective well-being in ways that are more devastating than structural inequality” (Hordge-Freeman, 2013, p. 14). The pain you feel when your own family rejects you can be far worse than how you feel about any images you may see in the media or any issues you may face outside of the home. Images in the media and negative reactions from non-family members are often just reminders and reinforcers of what we’ve learned about ourselves at home from our families. That’s not always the case, but too often it is.

If you’re tired of colorism in your family and colorism in general, I want to share with you some practical tips for dealing with colorism in families. My main goal for providing these tips is to help us protect the young people and the children in our families, but these tips could also provide relief for other adults or even for ourselves.

Watch, Listen, or Read More Below

1. Be COURAGEOUS.

It will take a lot of courage to stand up to family when you witness acts of colorism. Often times you’ll be criticized for being too uptight or for being a party pooper. Family may start to whisper about you, and some may even start to avoid you. You’ll get eye rolls and deep sighs (Oh! Here she goes again!). Prepare yourself for the backlash (because there will be backlash). But be encouraged by the fact that as uncomfortable as you might feel when you speak out in your family, it’s not as bad as children being made to feel uncomfortable in their own skin.

2. Know the perpetrators of colorism in families.

Because it’s difficult to always be vigilant (I mean, family is the one place where we should be able to let our guard down sometimes, even if just a little), it helps to know which family members are perpetrators of colorism. That way, you can prepare yourself when you’re around them, and be more relaxed when you’re not.

3. Don’t let “jokes” about skin tone go unaddressed.

People often disguise their hatred with humor. They know it’s unacceptable to state their negative opinions directly, so they turn them into jokes. That way they can say what they really feel, and if anyone tries to call them out on it, they can defend themselves by saying “it’s just a joke.”

But we’re too clever to believe that. Don’t laugh at such “jokes.” You can simply respond by saying, “Jokes are supposed to be funny, and that isn’t funny.” Or you can reaffirm the opposite of what the joke suggests. If the joke suggests that a certain skin color, hair type, or facial feature is unattractive, merely respond by saying that it is, in fact, just as attractive as any other.

4. Spread the love.

One of the most common manifestations of colorism in families is merely gushing over the looks of one particular individual (usually a child). If a baby or a child is light skinned with straight or loosely curled hair, certain family members can’t seem to help themselves. They make much ado about how pretty the child is and they like to show them off to other family, friends, acquaintances, and strangers. The lack of such attention and appreciation to other children in the family with darker skin and more Afrocentric features is obvious. People may not think it’s obvious, but it is.

Spread the love. Make sure every child in the room hears something positive about how they look and who they are.

5. Be aware.

In cases where colorism escalates from casual remarks to actual neglect and abuse, families should care enough to notice and do something about it. A lot of times we refuse to see what’s going on because we’re afraid of what we’re obligated to do if we know, or because we want to believe that our relatives could never be capable of such things. But if we ignore the mistreatment, then we’re complicit.

6. Be a mentor.

Sometimes it’s more effective to deal with people one-on-one. If you suspect that a younger person in your family is insecure about how they look, spend extra time with them. Have conversations and do activities that reaffirm their beauty and worth. Let them know that you understand what they’re going through and that they can talk to you about how they feel.

Similarly, if you know that a family member is a frequent perpetrator of colorism, pull them aside and let them know how their comments or actions are hurting the family.

7. Check yourself.

You know what Micheal Jackson said (I’m starting with the man in the mirror) and what Gandhi said (be the change you want to see in the world) and what Mathew 7:5 says (first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye). This goes for all of us, including me as a write this post and manage this blog. We must all watch our own attitudes, comments, and reactions if we’re going to be the role models in our families and call the people we love to a higher standard of love.

8. Be consistent.

Too often, we try something once and then give up when we don’t see full results right away. Resist the urge to say, Well, I tried to tell them, but nothing’s changed, so I give up. I’m just not going to say anything anymore. You may not see the payoff right away, but one day your young son or daughter, niece or nephew, brother or sister, will tell you how you impacted their lives by standing up for them when others were putting them down.

Can we do it? Can we create change with one person, one family at a time? I think we can if we all commit to it and support each other. What’s your experience with colorism in families?

Hordge-Freeman, E. (2013, May). What’s love got to do with it?: racial features, stigma and socialization in Afro-Brazilian families. Ethnic and Racial Studies, 1-17.

September 23, 2013March 18, 2024

What can We Do about Skin Bleaching around the World?

And it all comes down to this question. Now that I’ve given an overview of skin bleaching around the world (and perhaps prompted you to continue your own research), I want to dedicate an entire post to exploring possible solutions to the skin bleaching culture around the world, which I call an epidermal epidemic. ColorismHealing.org reports on the current state of things, but we’re always looking forward and focusing on progress, what we can do to evolve beyond the status quo.

I don’t want to make this sound easy. It’s colossal. Our fight will be a long, challenging fight. The solutions may sound obvious, but their effectiveness does not require newness; it merely requires commitment.

Skin bleaching around the world has taken root and embedded itself in the very fabric of many people’s lives. It’s a global phenomenon propagated by multiple forces, many of them subtle and covert, and thus practically invisible. For this reason, it takes multiple tactics working in tandem to really bring down the global skin bleaching infrastructure.

Education

Spread information about skin bleaching around the world.

We must share the dangers of skin bleaching, the history of it, current practices, demographic and geographical profiles, the manufacturing and distribution of products, and chemical breakdowns of common products. Again, many people have been sharing this information for years. One source of information I recommend is The Journal of Pan African Studies, vol. 4, no. 4, June 2011, which is a special issue dedicated to skin bleaching. We must continue and expand the effort to get this information to the world.

Focus on media literacy.

Skin bleaching as an epidemic is commonly spread through advertisements and various media such as billboards, commercials, and magazines. Therefore, it’s important to teach people how to recognize the the manipulation (“persuasive techniques”) of the media. The Dark is Beautiful campaign, for example, hosts media literacy workshops. Of course, merely knowing the media’s strategies doesn’t make us immune to them. However when we’re educated, we can be more critical consumers and not be blindly persuaded.

Promote education in general.

As an educator, and someone who’s passionate about education, I just believe that this should always be a part of the solution to social problems. We must promote quantity as well as quality of education. By quantity I mean more people and more education. By quality I mean that education should be rigorous, and it should develop the entire person to live up to their positive potential and to be a productive global-citizen.

Empowerment

I’m using empowerment here to mean a kind of internal energy and drive within an individual and/or community. I also like to call it self-awareness and self-esteem. I’ll use a quote from from an earlier post on the difference between racism and colorism:

“Colorism among people of the same race is also considered a form of internalized racism. After centuries of being conditioned to view white/european as superior and their own race and culture as inferior, many people were broken and eventually believed in and acted according to that dichotomy….

If we internalize racism, we lose our will and our ability to fight the external system of racism. If we don’t value, respect, and love ourselves, why would we put up a fight when others don’t either. If we believe that white people are superior, then we won’t bat an eye at the disparities in education and wealth.”

Like I said before, we must attack colorism and skin bleaching on multiple fronts simultaneously. The work that it takes to change people’s attitudes about race and skin color is just as important (and equally challenging) as any other aspect of what we do. This takes commitment. Our psyches weren’t damaged overnight, and they won’t be rebuilt overnight either.

Economics

In the global system of capitalism, corporations seem like Goliaths that are impossible to defeat. But the best way to send them a message and affect their practices is to affect their sales. Mind you, I’m not an economist, but I use models of what’s been effective before.

National and local governments can act.

Some governments have banned the sale of certain products, which is a good start. We also need them to ban the manufacturing of such products, because we know that in places like the EU mercury soap is banned from sale, but can be manufactured there as long as it’s exported (Glenn, 2008, p. 285). Finally, local authorities have to enforce the bans and intercept smuggling.

The people have power.

Other traditional ways of bringing about change include boycotts, petitions, and peaceful demonstrations. It’s a foundational concept in business that if the people stop buying, then the company has to change or it will bleed money.

But boycotts are especially tricky, especially if they’re not organized in a transnational way. If one city or country effectively boycotts a company that promotes fair skin as the ideal, that company may be able to stay afloat because of their other international markets. Multinational companies often disguise themselves by operating under different names in various countries, but a little digging will always lead back to the parent company.

Conclusion

As Evelyn Glenn (2008) writes:

“One often-proposed solution to the problem is reeducation that stresses the diversity of types of beauty and desirability and that valorizes darker skin shades, so that lightness/whiteness is dislodged as the dominant standard…. Focusing only on individual consciousness and motives distracts attention from the very powerful economic forces that help create a yearning for lightness and that offer to fulfill that yearning at a steep price.” (p. 298)

I know I’m repeating myself when I say that we must commit to all of these efforts (and more) simultaneously and for the long haul. There’s no need for those of us who care about this issue to paralyze the movement by bickering about what should be done first.

I propose that we assemble international committees devoted to various strategies, but all working toward a common goal. We do not have to amalgamate and become one organization, but we can ban together like a sort of UN or NATO working to abolish the practice of skin bleaching around the world.

Just imagine…

Then act.

September 18, 2013March 18, 2024

The Epidemic of Skin Bleaching Around the World

Personal preferences. Individual lifestyle choices. Freedom… Those are some of the things people call upon to explain and justify their indifference about the things other people do. When we talk about something like skin bleaching around the world, they say it’s no different than pale people getting tans. Well, they’re right about that. Tanning and bleaching are very similar in that both can be deadly, especially for those who can’t afford vetted, high-quality bleaches. Of course most people survive these practices, but not without long-term damage to their skin and overall health. There’s also the literal cost of skin bleaching. People continue to exploit colorism and racism for profit. So, I ask: Fair skin at what cost?

Harmful Effects of Skin Bleaching

The source of danger when tanning, of course, is overexposure to UV rays. The source of danger when bleaching is overexposure to certain chemicals.

Throughout history, among different groups of people, and in various places around the globe, people have created a myriad of concoctions that supposedly lighten the skin. In Europe, certain whitening cosmetics once contained white lead which could cause symptoms as serious as blindness or paralysis (Blay, 2011, p. 21). In addition to lead, many skin whiteners around the world use corticosteroids, hydroquinone, and mercury. Extended exposure to these chemicals (like lathering it on one’s skin on a daily basis) can have harmful effects such as neurological damage, kidney disease, ochronosis, eczema, bacterial and fungal infections, skin atrophy, and Cushing’s Syndrome (Glenn, 2008, p. 285).

What’s worse? Once exposed to some of these chemicals, the body forms a type of dependency, making it difficult to stop using the product because of adverse reactions when you do. Afua Hirsch (2012) quotes Dr Fatou Fall, a dermatologist from the Institute of Social Hygiene in Dakar: “Even when they discover the side-effects and want to stop using the creams, they find they cannot stop. It’s only when you stop that the skin changes and begins to become completely burned” (para. 12).

Artificially fair skin is costing people their health, but in many cases it also costs them the very thing they were so desperate to attain—confidence.

You might shrug it off. So what if they want to engage in self-destructive behavior? So what if a few people choose to take the risk of doing permanent damage to themselves?

Well, it’s a whole lot more than a few, and it’s not just “those people.”

Fair Skin has Another Cost

Large numbers of people in every region of the world use some type of skin lightning product. Some countries may not have much use for the stuff, but they’re nonetheless in the business of manufacturing it. The issue of skin bleaching, therefore, is not about “them.” It’s about us.

With the rise of the internet, the world players in the skin bleaching market have become even more connected. Companies have new inroads for marketing and distribution, and consumers have greater access to information and products (Glenn, 2008, p. 283). This is one reason why I’m such an advocate for using the internet as a means of counteracting, the obsession with lighter skin. Hence this blog and others like Dark is Beautiful, which is based in India.

Evelyn Glenn (2008) writes about how skin lightening is “interwoven into the world economic system and its transnational circuits of products, capital, culture, and people” and about the “media and messages, cultural themes and symbols, used to create the desire for skin lightening products” (p. 282). These products are manufactured in some countries and exported or smuggled into others. The media messages are conceived and created by a few individuals and are projected throughout the world. In fact, Distribution of mercury soap has been illegal in the EU since 1989, but it’s manufacture has remained legal as long as the product is exported” (p. 285).

To be blunt, I interpret this type of legislation as race- or ethnicity-based capitalism. If it were merely capitalism, then they would allow the mercury soap to be sold anywhere, including Europe. However, the governments and the manufacturers in those countries know the dangers of mercury and want to protect their own people, but are quite willing to make a profit at the expense of people’s health in other nations.

According to Glenn (2008), “the desire for lighter skin and the use of skin bleaches is accelerating in places where modernization and the influence of western capitalism and culture are most prominent” (p. 295).

And so, the new face of imperialism can be seen in magazines, on billboards, and on Movie, TV, and computer screens around the globe. The skin bleaching market is similar to colonialism in that the promotion of white superiority allows a few powerful and wealthy groups to become increasingly wealthy and powerful at the cost of masses of other people.

In 2012, Indians reportedly consumed an estimated 233 tonnes of bleaching products (Rajesh, 2013), and in terms of sheer numbers, Indians make up the largest skin bleaching market. In some African cities, as many as 52-77% of women use skin lighteners. A Synovate market survey in 2004 showed that 50% of respondents in the Philippines reported using skin lighteners. In places like Japan, China, Taiwan, and Korea, global surveys report that 20-50% of the of respondents had used skin bleaches and that 20-50% would use more if they could afford it. Mercury laden creams are still widely available in parts of Latin America, and in the U.S. women of all races, including Europeans and whites, have long legacies of skin whitening or lightening. (Glenn, 2008, pp. 284-295). And these indicators probably underestimate the practice of skin bleaching around the globe.

I present this information for people who might’ve thought skin bleaching was an isolated, marginal problem in limited places. It’s not. I reiterate that skin bleaching is a global issue with well-known roots.

The Roots of Skin Bleaching Around the World

One piece of research that shifted the way I think about white supremacy in general and skin bleaching in particular is that the practice actually began in Europe among the Europeans themselves (as opposed to immigrants from Southern nations). According to Dr. Yaba Blay (2011), “much of the history of European aesthetic practices is a history of whitening skin” (p. 20). Because of Queen Elizabeth I’s efforts to make her skin appear ghostly white, nearly transparent, extremely pale skin became known as the “Elizabethan ideal of beauty.” This ideal and practice of skin whitening was carried over to the Americas by female European settlers (p. 21).

This information supports the idea that skin bleaching is an issue that affects everyone. It shows that white supremacy even negatively affects white people. It shows that any ideal of physical beauty is arbitrary, unattainable, and downright foolish. But back to the history of it all.

The most basic and effective propaganda was founded on the dichotomy of white vs. black and light vs. dark, probably because they were and still are viewed as pure opposites in many cultures. Glenn (2008) explains that, “In Southern Africa, colorism is just one of the negative inheritances of European colonialism. The ideology of white supremacy that European colonists brought included the association of blackness with primitiveness, lack of civilization, unrestrained sexuality, pollution, and dirt” (p. 284). This was an effective type of messaging against black people around the world, but also effective for any group of darker skinned or brown people.

In desperate attempts to escape these negative associations, to escape various forms of discrimination, and to escape other concrete forms of oppression, people try to attain “light-skinned priviliege” in various ways, skin bleaching being one of them (p. 282).Blay (2011) lists the most common reasons that Ghanian and Tanzanian women give for using skin lighteners, including:

to remove blemishes and imperfections and to counteract effects of the sun
to appear and feel clean
to appear white, European, and “beautiful”
to please a partner, grab attention, or attract potential mates
to impress peers, appear sophisticated and modern, and gain economic and social mobility. (p. 22)

Among some African American women who participate in internet forums, the goal is to have light skin not white skin. They also state the desire to even out skin tone, remove blemishes, or to be two or three shades lighter like many American celebrities such as Halle Berry or Beyonce (Glenn, 2008, p. 288).

Young Filipinas who participate in such internet forums are similar in that they don’t look to white Europeans and Americans as the ideal. They see Japanese and Koreans as having the desirable skin tone, or “Spanish- or Chinese-appearing (and light-skinned) Filipina celebrities, such as Michelle Reis, Sharon Kuneta, or Claudine Baretto” (Glenn, 2008, p. 291).

As I stated before, imperialism continues in a more high-tech and glamorous fashion, but it’s still the basic practice of presenting one thing as the ideal, so that you can capitalize off of people trying to attain that ideal.

Historians and anthropologists have disagreed about whether world cultures favored lighter skin tones before European colonialism, but the obvious source of large scale skin bleaching around the world today is a form of global capitalism that exploits the historic ideology of white superiority.

References

Blay, Y. A. (2011, June). Skin Bleaching and Global White Supremacy:By Way of Introduction. The Journal of Pan African Studies, 4(4), 4-46.

Glenn, E. N. (2008, April). Yearning for Lightness Transnational Circuits in the Marketing and Consumption of Skin Lighteners. Gender & Society, 22(3), 281-302.

Hirsch, A. (2012). The Guardian.

Rajesh, M. (2013). The Guardian.

August 29, 2013March 18, 2024

Black Psychologists on Colorism

The Association of Black Psychologists has written an informative report on colorism in America, including the history, the effects, and possible solutions. If you’re looking for a concise yet thorough overview of colorism in the U.S. this is a great place to start. Click here to Read the ABP report.

August 12, 2013March 18, 2024

Colorism in Social Media: What Can We Do?

cropped phone screen with multiple social icons colorism in media technology social media

Colorism in social media can be seen as merely a reflection of what goes on in the world at large; however, the very nature of social media has actually transformed the ways in which we experience colorism in modern society.

Listen to Dr. Webb read this blog post or scroll to continue reading.

Throughout history, colorism has always been perpetuated in large part through various forms of media, from ancient stories and texts that equated dark with evil and light with good, to prejudicial casting in Hollywood films.

But social media has a few characteristics that make it unique from other, older forms of media. Social media:

allows people to be anonymous or create personas, therefore allowing them to say things they might have never voiced otherwise.
allows people to organize around common interests and easily connect with like-minded people.
creates a false sense of importance that prompts us to publicize all of our thoughts as if each one is breaking news being fed to an eager audience of adoring fans or concerned citizens.
keeps a record of what we say, tracks our online behavior, and informs us of what’s trending in certain areas.
is searchable, making it easy to find people and what they’re saying on any given topic.
is a more accessible form of media, a forum where more people can be seen and heard.
makes the world seem smaller by providing access to more people than ever before and by facilitating connections across societal and geographic borders.

These aspects of social media impact our experience of colorism in three basic ways:

Increased Conversation
Greater Alliances
More Control

Increased Conversation

Most of what people tend to discuss when talking about colorism in social media are the destructive conversations. Many folks post negative and stereotypical comments about people with certain skin tones, they brag about their prejudices, and they promote activities that perpetuate division and competition. Because I want this particular site to be as free of the negativity as possible, I’ve decided not to do the typical screen capture of some of these destructive social media posts, but if you’re curious or feel like you need to “see it to believe it,” a simple Google or twitter search will get you there.

But through social media, we’ve also had more constructive conversations about colorism, mainly to talk directly about stopping it, healing from it, acknowledging the detrimental effects, and affirming one another. On twitter, I’ve started a list that I call “Anti-Colorism Advocates.”

This is what’s beautiful about social media to me. People can reach out to one another in love, even to people they’ve never met. I want to encourage all of us to post, retweet, share, like, or pin more of the constructive conversations.

Greater Alliances

You might have heard of “alliances” like #teamdarkskin and #teamlightskin, which have seemed to create more division on the whole. However, social media does make it more simple to form constructive alliances. It’s relatively quick and easy to reach out to someone and receive instantaneous feedback. There’s potential for, and already much foundation being laid, for a global coalition against colorism (which I first mentioned in this post). This is the kind of alliance that could change the world for the better.

It wouldn’t be the kind of league that pits “us against them” in a battle against humanity. Quite the opposite. It would be a coalition of humanity working to dismantle the harmful ideology or white and light.

These constructive alliances also go a long way in letting young people know that they are not alone in their hurt and struggle, that there are others enduring the same thing, that there are others who’ve overcome it, and that there are others willing to help them do the same.

More Control

The mere fact that this site and others like it even exist and the fact that people like you are reading them is a testament to the more democratic and accessible nature of the internet.

This benefits us as we work for change because we can seek out, create, and disseminate content that heals us and others. Part of healing the world from colorism is letting people of color know that just like we have control over how we design our profiles, who we follow or friend, and what we post on our social media accounts, we also have control over our healing. We can be proactive in nurturing the best in ourselves. We have the power to undo any self-defeating patterns we may have. We are not helpless and hopeless in the face of a long legacy of racism and colorism around the world because we also have a long legacy of triumph. And social media is the new tool that can help us sculpt a better world.

Let’s put out enough love and affirmation that we nullify the existence of colorism in social media.

August 6, 2013March 18, 2024

Who Says Colorism Doesn’t Exist? And What Should We Say To Them?

In our efforts to combat colorism, there’s pushback from people who flat out deny that colorism is real. They claim that colorism doesn’t exist, that it’s just a make-believe issue, just jealousy, just a coincidence, etc. So just who are these people that would make such an outrageous claim?

Who says colorism doesn’t exist?

Scholars too blinded by “the research” to see what’s really happening

I witnessed this kind of denial when Soledad O’Brien’s Who is Black in America? aired on CNN. A couple of prominent black American scholars pointed to the lack of historical evidence to prove that things like the paper bag test ever existed, and so they totally berated the entire discussion of colorism.

Although there’s lots of evidence to suggest that these practices did indeed go on, it doesn’t matter. As I tweeted to one of these infuriated scholars: How can you listen to and watch young children express such disdain for dark skin, many of whom are dark, and not acknowledge the problem? How can you listen to and watch children express that light skin is more worthy simply because it’s close to white, and not acknowledge that there’s a problem?

Attention All Scholars: No matter the historical research, there’s plenty of empirical evidence that proves colorism is a contemporary problem around the globe.

People who think their experience is universal or have to “see it to believe it”

A few years back when I first ventured into open conversation about colorism, a dark skinned girl I knew in high school got ticked off with me. She cited her own experience as a dark skinned woman as the reason she doesn’t believe colorism exists. According to her, she’d never been treated differently, and people like me are simply looking for something to be angry about.

People make the same arguments for why racism in general is made up. They say, “Well I’ve never been discriminated against” or “I’ve never witnessed discrimination” as proof that it isn’t real.

Well, I can think of all sorts of bad things I’ve never experienced or witnessed (kidnapping, for example), yet I’d be pretty misguided to assume that those things are made up.

Those who refuse to own up to their complicity or give up their privilege

I never realized it until I was talking with someone who was conducting research on colorism for her doctorate. After telling her about the people who get angry when we talk about colorism, or who flat out deny it exists, she explained that those people usually benefit in some way from the existence of colorism, and so they block any conversations about it to maintain the status quo. It is probably often a subconscious thing, but it makes sense because most humans do this when we feel like our relative power is being threatened. And the people who directly or indirectly benefit aren’t always who you’d first suspect.

Dark skinned people who don’t want to be cast as the victim

Again, this is a similar form of denial that people express about racism in general. They see any talk of colorism as an “excuse” that holds people back. They put all the burden on the individual to “just get over it,” and they refuse to acknowledge the role of any structural, institutional, or social factors. Usually these types have achieved some level of relative success and think that if they’ve “made it” then it must be the individuals who are defective and not the society.

Folks who lack the courage to be honest

We may be brave in one aspect and cowardly in another. We all have a seed of cowardice and a seed of courage within us, and it’s up to us which one we nurture.

There are many people who are actually afraid to talk about race and colorism. It makes people uncomfortable and even angry, and the people-pleasers don’t want to upset anyone or lose any friends.

Regardless of what they really feel and think on an instinctual level, they’ll act like everything’s fine. They simply want to fit in, and that means not having controversial opinions.

What should we say to them?

Nothing.

That’s right. I wrote this entire post just to say that we should say nothing to those people who are willfully ignorant. We should be spending our energy where it counts: helping each other heal and stopping colorism from being passed on to future generations.

We should say nothing to them because actions speak louder than words. We say all that we need to say by continuing our conversations on colorism in very public and global forums. They throw verbal fire at us to get us to shut up, so by not shutting up, by continuing to speak on the things that upset them, we’re essentially saying: Colorism does exist, and despite your attacks, the anti-colorism movement presses forward.

July 28, 2013March 18, 2024

Age Appropriate Discussions on Colorism

I stumbled upon a useful article on Parents.com titled, “Talking About Race, Age-by-Age.” Although it’s not specifically about colorism, I think it’s extremely relevant since we have to talk to children about colorism in the context of race in general. Discussions on colorism and many other topics are often difficult for parents, especially the part about gauging how much children know or should know at certain ages.

The author of the article, Kara Corridan, uses the research of Dr. Rebecca Bigler, who breaks down the developmental stages of racial perception and understanding into four different age groups.

6 months – 1 year: Children can recognize differences in skin color and hair texture. At this age it’s important for parents to expose their children to diverse races and complexions.

2 – 3 years: Children become more vocal and may start commenting on skin color. Respond directly and calmly, gently correcting or affirming. It’s also fine to bring up differences in skin color, particularly during activities where differentiation is already occurring (i.e. “This woman is wearing blue. This woman is wearing red. This woman has brown skin.”)

4 – 6 years: At this age children start to assign positive or negative traits to people based on their cultural group. This can occur intraracially (within racial groups) as well. Children may make comments like, “Eww! Her skin is dirty.” The best thing to do in these cases is to again respond directly and calmly, correcting the error and affirming the worth of all skin tones.

7 – 8 years: Children in this age range become more open to the idea that we’re all different yet alike at the same time. Stress this fact whenever possible.

The advice stops at eight years old because many studies show that by this age attitudes and perceptions about race tend to stabilize, not solidify necessarily, but stabilize, which adds urgency to the idea of having discussions on colorism and race sooner than later. It’s never too early to start making an impact on this aspect of your child’s life, but it’s never too late either. Have the courage to get the conversation going.

To read the original article by Corridan, click here.

July 23, 2013March 18, 2024

When Should Parents Discuss Colorism With Their Children?

Because of the nature of this site, I’m making the assumption that the audience is already convinced that they should talk about colorism, so I’m merely exploring the question: When Should Parents Discuss Colorism With Their Children?

I have no conscious memory of this, but my mother often tells the story of when she first heard me vocalize my awareness of colorism.

I was five. Some women were complimenting my sister about how beautiful she was, and I whispered under my breath that they were only saying that about my sister because she was light skinned.

I tell this story as part of this piece because most people assume that a five year old is too young to understand that people are treated differently because of race and skin color. But research says that children can recognize racial differences as early as six months old and can vocalize and express racial awareness and even bias as early as three years old. I have no doubt that if I was able to verbalize that comment at the age of five, then I must have been aware of colorism before then. That just happened to be the first observable moment of my awareness.

Too many parents underestimate their children’s ability to understand the politics of skin color, but small children are perhaps, as a matter of necessity and survival, the keenest observers of their social environments. We talk about how toddlers are sponges and pick up on the most subtle clues from their environment. If you’ve ever seen your child mimicking adult behavior and it surprised you, then you know how true this is.

And it’s not just you they’re learning from. They learn from other adults, siblings, playmates, relatives, teachers, media, etc. With that in mind, it’s easy to see how they could be picking up on patterns and making inferences about skin color as part of their developmental process.

There are a lot of research based resources about how and when children learn about race that I want to apply to colorism.

A short piece in The University Record published by the University of Michigan says:

“Children are not color-blind. Nor is their understanding of racial identity superficial. Children as young as age three have a complex understanding of the way in which society constructs racial categories, and that understanding goes well beyond surface appearances.

Simply telling kids that race doesn’t matter isn’t going to be very effective, since they obviously think it does in a couple of non-trivial respects.

To combat racism, we need to understand its basis. It’s not just a problem afflicting a few bigots. It’s a way of thinking about the kinds of people there are in the world that goes far beyond surface appearances and gives rise to invidious comparisons. And it’s a way of thinking that preschoolers have already begun to develop.”

Another relevant piece, “Children are Not Colorblind: How Children Learn Race,” written by Erin N. Winkler adds to the conversation:

“Children pick up on the ways in which whiteness is normalized and privileged in U.S. society. What does this mean? Consciously or unconsciously, middle-class white culture is presented as a norm or a standard in the United States in terms of appearance, beauty, language, cultural practices, food, and so on. Tatum (1997) argues that this message is so prevalent in our society it is like ‘smog in the air. Sometimes it is so thick it is visible, other times it is less apparent, but always, day in and day out, we are breathing it in’. For very young children, this ‘smog’ comes in the form of picture books, children’s movies, television, and children’s songs, which all include subtle messages that whiteness is preferable.

The lesson for caregivers of young children is: Do not shush children or shut down the conversation. Instead, engage in open, honest, frequent, and age-appropriate conversation about race, racial differences, and even racial inequity and racism. Research has shown that such conversations are associated with lower levels of bias in young children (Katz, 2003). Let go of the notion that you are “putting ideas in their heads” by talking about race; as we have seen, research shows that young children notice race and draw conclusions about difference on their own.”

While these reports are about race in general and not specifically about colorism, I think the concept is easily transferrable. I’m a real-life example of a once young girl who probably could’ve benefited from a few discussions of colorism at the age of five, four, or even three. It’s clear here that I’m advocating for talking about colorism sooner rather than later, but in the end, it’s up to parents to decide.

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

Please Let Me Testify: An Open Letter to Rachel Jeantel

First, thank you for having the courage to take the stand, for having the courage to testify on behalf of your slain brother, a responsibility too many of us have been shucking for way too long. Most of us choose to plead the fifth, afraid that we’ll be judged just as you have been, and in our silence, the blasts of gunshots resound ever louder right in our own backyards.

I hope that other young people are not gagged by their fear of malicious tweets, but are encouraged by your example, encouraged to speak up and share their sides of the story, whatever that story might be. I pray that more black girls speak up and tell their stories. There are hosts of people, who try to dismiss, disparage, and downright silence voices like yours, but I tell you, little sister, you have been heard.

Second, not only do I hear you, I also see you, and you are beautiful.

I know that the mere color of a person’s skin and a person’s class too often discredit everything they say and do in the eyes of the prejudiced ones. I know that racism is the reason so many Black and non-bBlack people have come to consciously and subconsciously devalue dark skin. I know that’s the reason they feel so comfortable maligning you in your moment of grief.

But I’m feeling you. How could you not be annoyed and frustrated in the face of these men, who in many ways embody the source of an entire community’s anger? How could you not be frustrated and bitter about these men who are claiming that your beloved friend deserved to die, and that the person who murdered him was actually the real victim and deserves to live the rest of his life peacefully and free? When I saw the demeanor and heard the tone of the prosecutor, I knew exactly why you rolled your eyes. I’ve often rolled my eyes at people who are trying to “play me,” trying to be condescending and mocking.

Some of us only have respect for those who reflect the image of who we think we are or wish we could be. Some of us believe that only those who speak like us have a right to speak, and we shut our ears to songs sung by birds of other feathers. Some of us think that only those who look like us have a right to be seen, that only those who live like us have a right to live.

Rachel, I don’t know you, but I’m all too familiar with the way our culture breeds bullies and the way we’re taught and encouraged to tear each other down and rip each other apart. I’m all too familiar with the way society has to make examples out of a few so that the rest of us will be too terrified to simply be ourselves and say what we need to say. Although we’ve all been the bully before, we don’t have to accept the worst in ourselves. We don’t have to accept the worst in our world.

I hope that justice wins. I pray that you, the young vessel that was left to speak on behalf of someone who can no longer speak on behalf of himself, I hope that you find the hope and the healing that you need to go forward from this period in your life and always be beautiful and brave.

Originally posted on S. L. Writes.

July 13, 2013March 30, 2024

5 Questions About Colorism that Go Deeper

deeper questions about colorism three question marks brown paint spectrum background. colorism questions.

WARNING! This post may ignite a fire that can’t be extinguished (unless your mind’s already a fireball, in which case this post is completely benign). What follows are some questions about colorism. But first, let me say more about how questioning helps.

And don’t fear the fire! Socrates said, “The unexamined life is not worth living,” and time has shown that fire is proof of purity (for metals at least, but think metal as metaphor).

The quickest road to flame starts with two, three-letter words: Why and How. These words have been known to incinerate things founded on fear instead of love, deception instead of truth.

QUICK NOTE: I have a much longer list of questions you can browse here for all purposes

If you’re looking for a speaker or facilitator for your next colorism event, learn about Dr. Sarah Webb’s colorism keynotes and workshops.

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Despite these benefits, many people avoid the fire because they can’t stand the heat or they’re afraid to get burned. You see, the fire doesn’t just consume fear and deception around us, it also consumes fear and deception within us.

As a teacher, I often ask Why and How, trying to get my students to think deeply and critically about what’s presented to them and about their prior assumptions. One assumption that several students have vocalized is that dark skin is a problem or an unfortunate condition that one should avoid when possible. Here’s some of what male and female African-American students of varying shades have actually said to me:

“I wish I was light-skinned like my mama.”

“This picture is ugly. I look black on here.”

“I’m not proud of myself. I got dark over the summer.”

“I’m black. I used to be lighter than this. I used to be as light as… well not you, but…”

“Dee is lighter than Maggie… That means Dee can smash her.”*

*QUICK NOTE: See my article in English Journal on how to use Alice Walker’s short story to teach lessons about colorism.

The fact that they make such comments as though everyone else thinks the way they do, lets me know how ubiquitous colorism is among Black people. Colorism seems as common as blinking and equally unconscious. Which is the problem. Too many are content living unconsciously, living unexamined lives. So I’ve been thinking. Maybe one remedy to colorism is for individuals to start asking Why and How. I urge all to ask these questions for any situation. (Why am I in an abusive relationship? How do I get out? Why am I unhappy at work? How can I change the trajectory of my life?) Gloria Steinem, the famous feminist, suggests:

“The only practical, permanent solution to poor body image seems to be turning inward to ask: Where did it come from? What subtle or blatant events gave birth to it? What peer pressure nurtured it? What popular images make our real selves seem different or wrong?”

Regarding skin color, we should examine our attitudes regardless of what color we are, regardless of which direction our bias is projected, and regardless of whether or not we feel complicit.

I’ve suggested some questions about colorism below that I think are helpful. As you read these, remember that IDK (I don’t know) is not an answer for someone genuinely seeking truth. Shrugging your shoulders and reverting back to tasks that are easy for you does not promote life. Instead, keep thinking, searching, or investigating until you find at least a possible answer. Instead of just saying “I don’t know,” say instead: “I don’t know yet.” I encourage the same persistence in my students.

Why do I have a positive/negative attitude about certain skin tones?
How did my attitude about skin tone develop throughout my life, particularly my childhood?
How has my attitude about skin tone manifested in my words and actions (or the absence of my words and actions)?
Why does my reflection on this issue matter?
How will understanding my attitude about skin color change things personally or communally?

Of course you’ll have to do the work of making your inquiry personal and specific to your experiences. I hope these questions are in fact only the beginning for you. I hope you take this investigation to a level that matters for your personal growth. I hope you share these questions and your responses with others whom you care about. I care about you, so this is my way of sharing.

Let me know if you have other questions about colorism that would be helpful to ask!

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

3 Tips for Teaching Kids About Colorism

“Look both ways before you cross the street.”

“Don’t touch the stove.”

“Choose your friends wisely.”

“Always wear your seatbelt.”

“Don’t talk to strangers.”

Sound familiar? That’s because parents and adults are known for teaching children how to survive in a potentially dangerous world. Parents know that if they don’t teach their children to look both ways before crossing the street, their children might very well die in the process of learning that lesson on their own. (An answer to the “I have to learn from my own mistakes” mentality.) Most parents know that if they don’t teach their child about sex, lots of other people will be all too happy to teach them.

Aside from basic survival skills, good parents know they also have to teach their children social skills and moral behavior. “No, Tiffany, it’s not okay to scratch your brother because you wanted to play with his toys.” We teach kids to play nice, to share, to clean up after themselves, to tell the truth, and to help old ladies across the street. I would include giving up your seat to the elderly, but parents obviously don’t teach that anymore.

Parents know that each child has a particular nature. Most parents know that it’s their responsibility to nurture.

My question: So why do parents neglect to teach their children how to value all skin colors (ethnicities, languages, etc.)?

Just as we have to nurture a spirit of giving and sharing in most kids, just as we have to nurture a spirit of hard work and responsibility in most kids, we also have to nurture a spirit of acceptance and appreciation, even love.

Below, I present 3 ideas on what might assist in nurturing such a spirit in our families, especially young children.

How can we foster in our children, a spirit of acceptance, appreciation, and even love for all shades of human skin?

1) Sort out your own attitude/feelings about colorism.

This way you can lead and teach by example.

Ta-Nehisi Coates posted about “Dark Girls” on The Atlantic in June of this year. As a kid Coates expressed preference for “light-skin girls,” and in the post he recalls his emotions after being scolded by his mother when he was twelve:

“I remember being really pissed off at my mother at first (“It’s my choice!”) Then a few weeks later, as I turned it over in my head, a bit embarrassed (“I wish I hadn’t said that”) then deeply ashamed (“I wish I didn’t think that”) and finally incredibly curious (“Why do I think that anyway?”)”

Know what you think, feel, and believe about skin color. Dig deep, because we all have that “I’m not a racist” ego we must deal with. Consciously, you might tell yourself “I’m colorblind,” but notice when you’re compelled to comment on how pretty a child is (or their hair or eyes). How does the child usually look?* Notice what you see every time you close your eyes and imagine your ideal mate, or your ideal children.

Before we can heal the world, we must begin to heal as individuals. You don’t have to be perfect to help others, but at least try to be aware of your imperfections and blind spots. I’m not saying everyone’s a closet racist, but if you resist self-reflection, maybe there’s something you’re afraid to face.

If you find that you had/have skin color bias, you can use yourself as a starting point in discussing skin color with your kids or other young people.

2) Talk candidly about colorism with your children.

They don’t need a lecture. It could be as simple as letting them hear you work through your own color biases. Like Coates, you may point out examples of when you expressed bias in the past and how you’ve changed/are changing. It could be as simple as looking at family photos with your kids and saying, “It’s wonderful that there are so many shades of skin in our family.”

Example: While watching a movie with his family, James notices some colorism at play.** Though the movie is supposedly “targeted” to African Americans, all the major female roles are played by actresses who have very fair skin. Some have light colored eyes and long wavy hair. A few dark skinned women make appearances in roles that are clearly less flattering. James is slightly uncomfortable but lets it go thinking that his kids are too young to be aware of such nuanced casting issues. Then James notices that his kids burst out in uncontrollable laughter at the ridiculously comic performance of a dark-skinned character. He cringes, but thinks, it was funny, and the director intended for people to laugh. Surely they would have laughed no matter what color the character was. The movie ends with the leading lady riding off into her happily ever after, validated as the fairest of them all (and she’s quite smart and witty too, and skinny).

Everyone seems to have enjoyed the movie, but James wonders how it influenced his kids’ thinking. He finally decides to say, “That was a fun movie. I wonder what would’ve happened if [funny character’s name] had switched places with [main character’s name].’”

James’ kids look at him funny and reply in utter disbelief:

“No way, dad. [funny character’s name] is too stupid and ugly.”

“Yeah [main character’s name] is so smart and like really, really pretty. OMG she’s so awesome.”

Even though “it’s just a movie” James sees that his kids don’t have the critical thinking skills to see it as “just a movie.” He takes this opportunity to help them develop some critical thinking skills, hoping they won’t internalize the latent message that light skin is good and dark skin is bad.

He says, “You know when actors and actresses play in movies, they can play any part. Right now I could pretend to be a stern judge,” and he makes a stern face and pretends to bang a gavel. “Or I can pretend to be a silly clown,” and he does a wobbly dance with a crazy face.

The kids laugh and join in the fun. One of them says, “I can pretend to be Spiderman!” and shoots pretend cobwebs from his upturned wrists.

James is excited that they’re getting it. Now he must relate this to skin color. “So just because someone plays an ugly or stupid character in a movie doesn’t mean they are stupid or ugly. [Funny character’s name] could play the role of the most beautiful princess, or the most successful doctor, or the smartest politician.”

James’ kids still look skeptical, so he keeps it real with them. “When I was your age I thought only light-skinned girls with long hair could be pretty and smart in movies and in real life. But I learned that wasn’t true. Now I see that all skin colors are beautiful. No matter what I see in movies or on TV I know they’re just acting, and [funny character’s name] is just as beautiful and smart in real life as anyone else, including [main character’s name].”

James’ kids take this in. They process it. He lets it go for now, but the seeds of critical thought, acceptance, and appreciation have been planted. He can continue to nurture them as they grow.

3) Give them positive exposure to all skin tones.

One inspiring mother wrote an article on New Latina titled, “I’m White, My Daughter is Latina, and I Buy Black Dolls” by Chantilly Patiño. She eloquently sates:

“Maybe it’s not a big deal to some, but for a woman who’s raising a daughter of color, it’s important to me!
I’m aware my daughter is Latina…yeah, she’s not black, but I don’t want her to grow up like I did. Not seeing positive images of people of color…including (but not limited to) people who look like her. If I look back to my childhood, the only positive image I can recall is the Cosby show…and that’s a shame. I still love that show, but even today…programing like that is hard to come by.
I buy black dolls for my daughter because I want her to understand the value of everyone, regardless of color. I buy black dolls because I know that the media is filled with negative images and it presents a challenge for our kids to grow up feeling good about dark skin. I buy black dolls because I want to change the norm.”

WOW!!! Go Sister.

Because colorism and racism are so prevalent, we don’t have to try hard at all to find positive exposure to lighter skin tones. So, survey the experiences your child typically has and see if they include enough positive exposure to darker skin tones. If not, I have suggestions for how to create positive exposure to darker skin tones. This is the practical, get it done today, type of thing. You probably know what I’m about to say. I suggest that you share the following things with your kids, depending on their ages, to nurture their acceptance of all skin tones, especially darker skin, since that exposure is more likely to be lacking or negative:

picture books with positive images of characters with dark skin
chapter books with well developed, dark-skinned characters
magazines with images of and articles by people with darker skin
festivals that expose them to the heritages of dark-skinned people
museum visits that teach them about the history of dark-skinned people
outings to locations known to draw diverse groups of people
quality time with family and friends of many skin tones, including darker ones
dolls with darker shades of skin
television shows featuring dark-skinned people in lead roles, or positive and substantial supporting roles
movies featuring dark-skinned people in lead roles, or positive and substantial supporting roles

I’m sure there’s more, but this is what I’ve come up with for now. Feel free to add suggestions in a comment.

NOTES:

*I think colorism is most acute in people’s reactions to babies and young children. Adults are more likely to comment on the relative prettiness or cuteness of children. When colorism is present, dark-skinned children usually aren’t lauded for their beauty, but as they get older, they may be recognized for having grown up to be beautiful women or handsome men.

**Two excellent examples of biased casting of the nature described in James’ story are the movies Coming to America and Guess Who. I remember watching these films, Coming to America as a young child and later Guess Who as a young adult, and feeling physically sick about the blatant colorism in their casting of female characters.

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

Light Skinned Mother, Dark Skinned Daughter: an Interview

For this chat, I interviewed my mother. This was eye opening for me because in our face-to-face conversation I learned about details of my childhood that I have no memory of. I hope you enjoy a new voice in this conversation.

Do you consider your self dark-skinned, light-skinned, or neither?

Honestly, I still don’t consider myself a light-skinned African American. I may be a light brown but certainly not light-skinned. I attribute that to where I grew up. There you had a large population of really light-skinned African Americans that sometimes looked more white than black. We called them mulattoes.

What moments in your youth made you most aware of colorism?

I heard on a daily basis comments like, “Girl I don’t like that old black boy” or “That’s why yo momma so black.” It was everywhere. You were aware but just didn’t make a big deal about it. You kept it in, but you thought about it. Lighter skinned girls and guys were always considered cuter and many times smarter. The key is I knew many of them weren’t smarter than I was, so I asked myself how come they get to be selected for this or that.

What do you think were some of the reasons you didn’t make a big deal about it or kept it in even when you were thinking about it?

Because those instances were in my youth, and it was such a part of living that I didn’t think about trying to do something about it back then. Who would you speak out to?

Was there ever a moment in your life that you participated in or agreed with or supported this type of bias? Why or why not?

No, because I knew it wasn’t right. I had dark-skinned people in my family, and I didn’t feel it was a reason to criticize somebody. I never heard my mother speak in those terms with anyone or about anyone. None of my family really spoke that way. I never wished I had lighter skin or that I was white. Part of my youth I did rebel against people thinking that black is ugly because of the generation I grew up in, being a teenager in the 70’s with “black is beautiful” and afros. Perhaps I grew more comfortable as I matured into my teens. Perhaps I wasn’t as empowered as a younger person.

Have you ever dealt with colorism in the process of raising your children? If so, what kinds of situations arose and how did you handle them?

Yes. You see, I have two dark-skinned children and one lighter skinned child. Fortunately for me, they loved each other so much that I never had to deal with this issue in the relationship between them, but definitely from outside. I was asked several times if these were my kids. I would pridefully say, “Yes, indeed these are my babies,” and I would pull them close to me. I knew what people were thinking.

Each of my dark-skinned children had incidents at school where they were called black or charcoaled. My daughter was being called black and charcoaled every day by an African American male child. I thought it was important to let his parents know what he was doing and perhaps make them aware of the need to correct his thinking about his own race. I took my little girl to his house and spoke to the parents. Surprisingly, the mother was very receptive and handled it well. I think that day was an experience all of us will never forget. I know my daughter won’t.

I would constantly let my children know how beautiful they were, and that I wasn’t just saying that to make them feel better. It was true no matter what anyone says, and it was. Especially in the case of my daughter, I recognized and acknowledged her pain. We talked about it; we called it out when we saw it; we didn’t act like it wasn’t happening.

In what ways did your children respond to those situations? How did you observe them grappling with the issue? Did their responses change over time?

It didn’t come up with my male child as much. I don’t think he was as conscious or as affected. I don’t think it crippled them socially or hindered their will to succeed. They definitely didn’t live miserable lives because of it. Sometimes facial expressions when people would make comments let me know that they knew. I also just knew that it exists. They also weren’t afraid to talk about it. My daughter verbalized it.

My daughter was five and had already figured out that people said her sister would be able to attract boys easily because she was lighter skinned. At age five she identified her sister’s lighter skin as the reason they were saying that. I didn’t say to her, “Oh, get over it.” I carried that comment in my mind and did what I could so that she could conquer the world.

Why do you think your daughter was aware of this at such a young age?

Some children have a keener sense. Part of it is that I was a culturally aware mom. I didn’t hide that there are prejudices in the world, so that might have brought it to the forefront. Some people are more conscious and think a lot anyway. She was the kind of girl that always had to know why, and she felt free to ask why and that she had the right to let it be known. I can imagine kids whose parents ignore the problem, and the kids who don’t feel that freedom to express themselves.

To the best of your memory, was that incident when your daughter was five the first time you witnessed colorism in her life, or was it just the first time you witnessed her awareness of it?

It goes back for me when they had to stand up in kindergarten for head counts, and two African American girls stood up to be counted as white. I felt sad about that, that no one told those girls that they were black. Even the teacher, who was white, was embarrassed and not sure how to tell them to sit down. That showed a colorism to me, and it stuck with me. Also when they were younger, again, people often asked if they were mine.

Do you recall times when your light-skinned daughter also showed an awareness of skin color or colorism? If so, how early did you observe her awareness?

She wanted to tan at a young age, maybe since middle school. She was aware because, as with me, people always questioned and made a big deal about her siblings being dark. I will say that I don’t think she ever used her skin color to gain privileges or extra attention.

Did you ever deal with colorism in terms of raising your light-skinned daughter, interventions, conversations, etc.?

No. She was always there in our conversations as a family, so she knew how I felt about culture and equality. We talked about how crazy and bothersome it is to always have to explain that these are her siblings.

Where do you think colorism comes from, particularly for African Americans?

For African Americans colorism definitely came from a combination of things. The separation of dark-skinned and light-skinned slaves, the overall portrayal of dark-skinned people as negative in the early movies. We learned way back that the closer to white you were the better chance you had to succeed. [Perhaps we should add that chances for success were better because of racism, not because of inherent or biological superiority.] We learned that the closer to white you were the prettier you were considered to be. It was everywhere.

What sort of remedies can you suggest for this issue of colorism either collectively of individually?

Talk about it. Don’t act like it doesn’t exist and hasn’t existed for a long, long time. Support magazines and television shows that make an effort to show that there is beauty in all skin tones and are not afraid to showcase dark-skinned women and showcase them in a positive way. Be sensitive to how it impacts our girls at early ages. Every chance I get I purpose to tell a dark-skinned little girl how beautiful she is. I do it because it is true.

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

Who Does Colorism Affect? Part 2

Who Does Colorism Affect? The trouble with insider/outsider positioning is that it blinds us to the real answer.

If we can only know our very own experiences, then we can know very little.

Any thing that happened before June 6, 1985, I had no experience with. If I have to directly experience something to know it, then I know nothing about almost everything: the Vietnam War, Marcus Garvey, Apartheid, the Holocaust, President Roosevelt, the American Civil War, American slavery, the French Revolution, Egyptian pharos, or Chinese emperors, etc.

Crimes would never be punished. Judges would have to be robbed, murdered, raped, have their property vandalized or set on fire in order for them to believe any victims or witnesses of such crimes.

Saying, “I don’t think colorism or racism exist because I personally have never experienced it, so it can’t possibly exist,” is like saying, “I’ve never been to New Zealand, so I don’t think it exists,” or, “I’ve never been healed from a medical procedure, so I don’t think hospitals are necessary, since they’ve never worked for me personally.”

You can see that experiential knowledge is only a part of our total knowledge.

Avoiding knowledge of a situation is a way to avoid responsibility.

Imagine if white Freedom Riders had said, “Oh, no. We can’t get involved with that because we don’t know anything about being black, and therefore we know nothing about racism.”

Imagine if someone asked me to donate to prostate cancer research and I said, “Oh, no. I can’t get involved or learn more about this because I’ve never had prostate cancer. It’s just not relevant to me.”

Imagine if Brad Pitt had said, “I don’t live in New Orleans and I wasn’t there during Katrina, so why should I get involved with building more homes?”

Imagine if Oprah had said, “I don’t have any sons, I’m not a man, and I’ve never gone to Morehouse, so why should I give over 400 black, male students scholarships to attend?”

Many youth have committed suicide as a result of bullying. Are the bullies outside of the situation, or do they have a critical role in shaping the situation? Do we only address the targets of bullying, or do we also need to address the bullies themselves?

If an employer refuses to hire me because of my sexual orientation, are his actions separate and outside of my experience?

If I step on your foot, are you wrong to say, “Excuse me Sarah, even though you don’t feel my pain, you play an integral role in stopping the pain. It would help a lot if you remove your foot.”?

Bottom Line

Different doesn’t have to equate with inside/outside, part of/not part of, better than/worse than, more than/less than. It’s that very thinking that breeds racism in the first place. You might experience the situation differently from me, but you’re still part of the situation.

A good example of someone who I think understands this is Tim Wise. He’s a white man who speaks, from his perspective, on racism. Though his vantage point is different, his efforts can help alleviate the consequences of racism for everyone.

I hope we can look at the situation of colorism and determine our vantage point, rather than being cynical and insensitive.

Blacks have their share of blemishes, but colorism resulted from the actions of colonial powers, white slave owners, and slave traders, then it was propagated and perpetuated through white owned media.

I hope black people can see that even though we need to heal our own community, we also need to hold non-blacks accountable for creating/maintaining situations where blacks internalize racism as a method of survival (i.e. passing for white to get a job). We can’t improve or eliminate these situations without bringing multiple vantage points to the discussion.

I hope blacks can understand that we’re all affected by it in some way.

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

Who is Affected by Colorism? Part 1

There are some misconceptions about who is affected by colorism. Some people think it’s just a dark girl’s problem and that everyone else has no place in the discussion.

There’s strong opposition to letting so-called “outsiders” handle situations that they have “no experience” with. I believe the insider/outsider dichotomy is a slippery slope because it impedes social unity and social responsibility.

In the case of colorism in the United States, the outsiders are usually white people, and the insiders are usually black people. Similar situations might exist in other places with different groups of people.

Among black Americans, a different insider/outsider distinction exists. People assume colorism is unidirectional, only relevant to dark-skinned blacks. I compare this thinking to the notion that racism is only a problem for people of color to deal with.

Racism and products of racism such as colorism are social problems. Period. Not just a dark-skinned girls problem, or a black problem.

Where Might the Insider/Outsider Mentality Come From?

The fact that individuals experience a given situation like racism, doesn’t mean they have the same experience, same interpretation, same perspective, or same vantage point of the situation. (See the movie Vantage Point.)

In fact, some vantage points may be so distant, or so far on the periphery, that it leads some to believe the situation doesn’t exist at all. They just can’t see it from where they are. Unfortunately, some still are not convinced even if others close to the situation try to give an account. But anyway…

This relative closeness to a situation and the varied experiences that result is probably where the insider/outsider mentality stems from, and I completely understand that. Especially when our inability to see from another’s vantage point often leads to cynicism and insensitivity.

I believe people cling to the insider/outsider mentality because of the insensitivity or callousness with which others handle discussions about situations they were too far away from to actually see themselves.

I mean “close” and “far away” both physically and psychically. For example, northerners were physically far away from the Jim Crow South, which affected how they experienced Jim Crow, but even if they went to the South (got close), their experiences might’ve kept them psychically distant from the situation (far away).

I’ve noticed that the inside/outside dichotomy is maintained by both the perceived insiders and outsiders.

People close to a situation don’t want to discuss it with those farther away because of the insensitivity mentioned above. At the same time, those farther from the situation avoid discussing it all together because their lack of knowledge and their distant experience makes them uncomfortable, or unsure [of] themselves in the context of such a discussion.

One example of the latter, which a lighter skinned black girl actually told me, is, “I’m not dark-skinned, so I don’t know if it’s hard on dark-skinned people.”

I get more into this in part 2.

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

Mothers and Colorism

I’ll start with mother.

Before children recognize themselves in mirrors, they recognize themselves through their mother’s eyes.

My heart breaks when I hear stories of mothers consciously or unconsciously conditioning their children to adopt the attitudes of colorism, to adore light skin and despise darker skin, adore light eyes and think little of dark eyes, adore straight hair and hate kinky hair.

Previews of Dark Girls the movie, the responses to it, and life observations reveal that too many mothers are complicit in their children’s pain. The relationship between mothers and colorism is clear. Several women describe their most potent experiences with colorism as experiences when their mothers failed to validate their beauty. As adults, hopefully we learn to validate ourselves. Young children, however, must be shown how.

My mother is light skinned. She won’t admit this, always claiming that she never saw herself as such and always identified with darker skinned people. She does acknowledge, though, that she is lighter than my brother and me.

My mother tells me how she has always loved going out in public with us and telling people “these are my kids.” We talk about how people rarely assume this fact due to the skin color difference, and she always makes a point to directly state it.

My mother is different from the women who are only proud to show off their children if their children are fair skinned or have a certain hair texture.

My mother intentionally combated the outside influences and negative messages about dark skin. She was not only aware of colorism, she had the courage to attack it head on. Just knowing that she in some way understood the struggle of a dark skinned child helped me endure the struggle. Knowing that no matter what happened with everyone else I could always go home and feel accepted and loved, probably saved me from the extremes of pain that other girls have gone through.

So don’t trip if your dark skinned friend, cousin, sister, or coworker agonizes over skin color and the biases people hold toward certain skin tones. Don’t be perplexed about why she doesn’t “just get over it, and just love herself.”

Instead, ask her about her relationship with her mother. Ask her how many times she heard her mother tell light skinned cousins how pretty they were, without acknowledging the very daughter that waited in her shadow. Ask her how many times her mother told her to stay out of the sun. Ask her how many times her mother discouraged her from wearing bright colors. Don’t judge her, she’s had enough of that. Just hear her story.

If you are a mother, do an honest self-evaluation. Do you make comments around your children that might instill colorism in them? How often do you tell your children they are beautiful? How often do you compliment their dark skin tones? Do you act like colorism doesn’t exist? Do you try to explain away instances of colorism instead of acknowledging them? Have you dealt with your own color complex so that your children can have healthy self-esteem and appreciation for others regardless of skin color?

When it comes to colorism healing, parents make a huge difference in the lives of young people. By choosing different parenting choices, we can erode the generational cycle of colorism in our communities.

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

5 Reasons To Talk About Colorism

Deep breath. I’ve procrastinated on this one while I cultivate the courage to write it. Yes, I want to talk about colorism. As I type this around 11:11 pm, I’m sending my mom the following text message:

“It helps to talk about it. I’ve kept a lot of pain to myself throughout my life and that silence hasn’t helped the pain go away. Talking about it validates [my experience and] validates how I feel.”

I know what you might be thinking. I shouldn’t be seeking “external” validation, right? That’s easy to say at the intellectual level, when we’re removing ourselves from the situation. However, when dealing with chronic pain rooted in childhood memories, when in the midst of a deeply hurtful condition, it’s nice to know we’re not crazy, not making things up, not projecting, not being “too sensitive,” not imagining things. We’re human. We need connection with other humans. That requires a level of human empathy. We don’t have to achieve this with everyone, but at various points in our lives we need it.

Honestly, if you’ve ever brushed your teeth, combed your hair, ironed your clothes, made sure your outfit matched, applied for a job, held down a job, earned money, spent money, agreed that the sky is blue and the grass is green, opened your mouth to communicate, raised your hand in a classroom or audience, felt offended, held a door open for someone, had a boyfriend or girlfriend, or used a telephone, you were using/seeking/giving external validation. Validation is such an indispensable part of our existence that it’s an unconscious operation, which is why some of us are delusional/self-righteous enough to think we’re above it.

The key is understanding that we don’t need validation for everything or from everyone. We need balance.

Back to the text message I sent, the act of communicating is also a sign of selfvalidation. We often remain silent because we’re unsure [of] ourselves. Either way, we need validation from ourselves and sometimes from others, and we need to break the silence.

The validation debate relates to an earlier post: 5 Reasons I haven’t Said Much About Colorism… Yet. Here are two of those reasons paraphrased:

- People often have the attitude that “If you love yourself, you wouldn’t make it an issue.” I didn’t want to be perceived as not loving myself, so I kept quiet.
- People often use cliché affirmations as a way of dismissing the issue, such as “You have to know you’re beautiful no matter what anyone else thinks.”

These attitudes are an acceptance of the status quo. They are not used to ease painful realities, they’re used to avoid them all together.

So why will I talk about colorism now? I’m writing this because:

1) I’m tired of being afraid to shout, “Ouch! That hurts.”

Humans are hardwired to feel pain. Pain is either a sign that something is wrong or that something is growing and stretching. Anyone who denies their pain denies their humanity and will probably stay in pain. Let’s not remain in pain.

2) We need to “call people on their stuff.”

Iyanla Vanzant insisted on this at the Essence Music Festival. So I’m calling the black community out on its colorism. It’s not every individual, but it’s way too many. Whether we show colorism intentionally or not, consciously or not, we need to stop sooner than later.

3) Some young person might need a framework and context for their experience other than, “You’re wrong to even feel that way.”

I’m not saying my framework is the only framework that works, but it’s more than I had growing up. I had to seek and construct one for myself, piecing together ancient ancestor wisdom. I just want to offer what took me too long to find, so that some child can have peace and joy sooner than I did. Perhaps they won’t ever have to lose the peace and joy in the first place.

4) More than just dark-skinned people can benefit from this type of discussion.

Pain knows no color, empowerment is contagious, and courage can improve anyone’s life. When light-skinned people better understand colorism, they can better understand the dynamics of their everyday interactions. We talk about white privilege, but there’s also light skin privilege. I also know that some black girls take out their anger on other black girls. As Angela Davis says in her autobiography: “It hurt to see us folding in on ourselves, using ourselves as whipping posts because we did not yet know how to struggle against the real cause of our misery.” (This quote inspired one of my best poems.)

5) Colorism is more than who’s pretty and who’s not.

Colorism also judges the overall value of an individual to the point that dark-skinned people are perceived as “bad,” less intelligent, less talented, less professional, more dangerous, etc. (Read Queen Sheba’s story.) Thus the consequences are more severe than they appear on the surface. Researchers have done several studies on the tangible effects of colorism, such as colorism in the “justice” system. It amounts to more than just hurt feelings, although feelings are valid enough.

So, let’s speak up. Let’s talk about it. What do you have to say?

July 13, 2013March 18, 2024

Colorism: 5 Reasons I Haven’t Said Much… Yet

I’ve addressed colorism in my fiction, but with the growing anticipation of the Bill Duke documentary Dark Girls, I feel it’s safe to speak more directly about the issue.

Surprise! I’m dark-skinned.

Being so, I’m often apprehensive about speaking candidly of colorism for the following reasons:

Complexion is complex, and I’m not sure how to begin.
I didn’t want people to dismiss me as merely hating on light-skinned girls.
People often have the attitude that “If you love yourself, you wouldn’t make it an issue.”
- Since I didn’t want anyone to perceive me as “not loving myself,” I kept silent. My mistake.
People often deny me the opportunity to discuss the issue by changing the subject with a dismissal disguised as affirmation: “Girl, you’re beautiful, and you have to believe it no matter what others think.”
- Sorry, but it’s literally not that black & white. “What others think” has real world consequences.
You’re viewed as weak if you acknowledge you’ve been hurt. With that comes the “You’re just being too sensitive” argument.

It’s time we encourage everyone to express their pain in constructive ways within a supportive community.

Maybe we hate pain so much that we avoid the expression of it from others.

What we can avoid are cynical messages that directly or indirectly say: Suck it up. Don’t come crying to me about your problems. It’s probably you and not them. What are you doing to cause others to mistreat you (blaming the victim). Awww! You got your feelings hurt? Well shame on you for being so weak. Boo hoo hoo. Wah wah wah.

Perhaps I would’ve shared my story sooner if I’d felt someone would’ve actually listened.

But like I said, complexion is complex, so I’ll be delving into it one post at a time. If you prefer to stay away from “sensitive topics,” these posts may make you uncomfortable. Just think of it as that discomfort you feel when stretching your muscles.

Why merely telling her she’s beautiful isn’t enough

Why you can’t wait for her to be the “right” age

What it really takes to help your child deal with colorism

Watch less.

Be selective.

Have conversations.

Watch, Listen, or Read More Below

1. Be COURAGEOUS.

2. Know the perpetrators of colorism in families.

3. Don’t let “jokes” about skin tone go unaddressed.

4. Spread the love.

5. Be aware.

6. Be a mentor.

7. Check yourself.

8. Be consistent.

Education

Spread information about skin bleaching around the world.

Focus on media literacy.

Promote education in general.

Empowerment

Economics

National and local governments can act.

The people have power.

Conclusion

Harmful Effects of Skin Bleaching

Join the Colorism Healing Mailing List

Fair Skin has Another Cost

The Roots of Skin Bleaching Around the World

Increased Conversation

Greater Alliances

More Control

Who says colorism doesn’t exist?

Scholars too blinded by “the research” to see what’s really happening

People who think their experience is universal or have to “see it to believe it”

Those who refuse to own up to their complicity or give up their privilege

Dark skinned people who don’t want to be cast as the victim

Folks who lack the courage to be honest

What should we say to them?

If you’re looking for a speaker or facilitator for your next colorism event, learn about Dr. Sarah Webb’s colorism keynotes and workshops.

Why do I have a positive/negative attitude about certain skin tones?

How did my attitude about skin tone develop throughout my life, particularly my childhood?

How has my attitude about skin tone manifested in my words and actions (or the absence of my words and actions)?

Why does my reflection on this issue matter?

How will understanding my attitude about skin color change things personally or communally?

1) Sort out your own attitude/feelings about colorism.

2) Talk candidly about colorism with your children.

3) Give them positive exposure to all skin tones.

Do you consider your self dark-skinned, light-skinned, or neither?

What moments in your youth made you most aware of colorism?

What do you think were some of the reasons you didn’t make a big deal about it or kept it in even when you were thinking about it?

Join the Colorism Healing Mailing List

Was there ever a moment in your life that you participated in or agreed with or supported this type of bias? Why or why not?

Have you ever dealt with colorism in the process of raising your children? If so, what kinds of situations arose and how did you handle them?

In what ways did your children respond to those situations? How did you observe them grappling with the issue? Did their responses change over time?

Why do you think your daughter was aware of this at such a young age?

To the best of your memory, was that incident when your daughter was five the first time you witnessed colorism in her life, or was it just the first time you witnessed her awareness of it?

Do you recall times when your light-skinned daughter also showed an awareness of skin color or colorism? If so, how early did you observe her awareness?

Did you ever deal with colorism in terms of raising your light-skinned daughter, interventions, conversations, etc.?

Where do you think colorism comes from, particularly for African Americans?

What sort of remedies can you suggest for this issue of colorism either collectively of individually?

Bottom Line

1) I’m tired of being afraid to shout, “Ouch! That hurts.”

2) We need to “call people on their stuff.”

3) Some young person might need a framework and context for their experience other than, “You’re wrong to even feel that way.”

4) More than just dark-skinned people can benefit from this type of discussion.

5) Colorism is more than who’s pretty and who’s not.